01/30/2014 06:35 pm ET Updated Apr 01, 2014

A Joke Writer Reflects on the NFL Season

There are only about 10 things I really care about in this crazy world and two of them are jokes and football. As usual, the comedy gods smiled down upon me during another great season.

The NFL is trying to save the Pro Bowl. Among the changes, they added two-minute warnings to the first and third quarters. Finally! A longer Pro Bowl.

They should add a two-minute warning before the game so you know when to change the channel.

The Pro Bowl is in Hawaii. Good thing Tim Tebow wasn't there. They'd throw him into a volcano.

Tim Tebow had a strong debut as a college football analyst. Broadcasting? He's good at something that goes through the air? Weird.

Then Tebow tried to throw it back to the studio. And he missed.

Richard Sherman's rant captured America for a few beats. It's a shame they make Sherman wear a facemask. He could catch every ball in that gigantic mouth.

I'm from Atlanta. I've never been a big fan of the name "Sherman" in the first place.

Last year my Falcons were one play away from the Super Bowl. This year it was hundreds of plays. Broadway has fewer plays.

The Falcons were so disappointing this season they had to pay a commission to New Coke.

Only the Texans disappointed more. They were so bad this year, salsa now claims it was made in New York City.

The weather was a factor in the playoffs. It was cold in Philly, freezing in Green Bay, and raining interceptions in Cincinnati.

And in the Aaron Rodgers rumor mill, it was raining men. I don't know if Aaron Rodgers is gay, but his mustache is. His mustache is so gay, it hit on Andrew Luck's beard.

Luck's beard was insane. I'm surprised the Amish elders let him play under the lights.

The Colts had a ridiculous comeback for the playoff win over the Chiefs. Chiefs were up 38-10 and lost. The last time Chiefs collapsed like that, North America changed hands.

The Colts looked terrible early and fantastic late. Like Cher on a show day.

The Chiefs looked great early and terrible late. Like Lindsay Lohan at an open bar.

The Chiefs had a great season under new coach Andy Reid. He rocks that big red shirt. If a bull ever winds up nearby, he is toast.

Reid is so big and red he is represented by nine Republican congressmen.

They found the Browns 1947 championship trophy in a garage. It was buried under a pile of bad decisions.

Peyton Manning returned to Indianapolis to play his former team. They called it the war of 18/12. I saw a banner that said, "12 is the new 18." Which I hope was about Luck/Manning, and not the age of consent.

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