02/01/2013 06:03 pm ET Updated Apr 03, 2013

A Joke Writer Wraps Up the NFL Season

I've been a joke writer for many years and a football fan for just as long. As usual, the NFL and the comedy gods got together and smiled down upon me. Let's get to it...

A Harris poll shows that the NFL popularity is at an all time high. 59 percent of the population says they follow pro football. The other 41 percent follow the Browns.

Concussions are a big concern these days. I saw the list of concussion symptoms: headaches, amnesia, confusion, irritability. I thought to myself, "Maybe my ex has a concussion."

The 49ers have two great quarterbacks to go choose from. Now that's what the Jets call "fantasy football."

The Jets were so bad this year. Mark Sanchez fumbled by running into his own lineman's ass. It's sad when your quarterback doesn't know his teammate's ass from a hole in the line.

Sanchez has made such a mess in New York, he should change his name to Sandy.

To their credit, the Jets donated a half million dollars to Hurricane Sandy relief. They tried to donate a million, but half of it got intercepted.

This season Tim Tebow trademarked "Tebowing." Tebow also tried to trademark the phrase "incomplete pass." But Jamarcus Russell beat him to it.

Tim Tebow's new girlfriend used to go out with one of the Jonas brothers. She's taken on more virgins than a volcano.

Tebow played like a virgin. He finally got in the game, he blinked, and his part was over.
Tebow was clearly the backup. It's funny to me that a hard-core fundamentalist was relegated to the bench by natural selection.

According to a Nielsen survey, Tebow is the #1 dinner guest Americans would like at Thanksgiving. I don't know why. He probably can't even pass the gravy.

There's talk lately about an NFL team based in London. I feel the way a lot of Americans do about foreign aid. We have to take care of things at home first. We have to put a professional football team in LA. And Jacksonville. And Cleveland. And Oakland.

The Steelers suspended Alameda Ta'amu after a police chase. He's challenging the DUI because his sobriety test was to spell his name backwards.

When spelling backwards it's easy to put the apostrophe in the wrong place.

I think Alameda Ta'amu is Samoan for Costaki Economopoulos.

The Seahawks' Richard Sherman denied taking the ADD drug Adderall. But he did so with suspicious focus...

This year Seattle beat Arizona 58-0. That's a lopsided score for a Harlem Globetrotter's game.

That game was more one-sided than a Def Leppard drum stand.

The last time Cardinals got this embarrassed it involved the Catholic church.

58 points? I've heard the phrase "the defense rests." But that was ridiculous.

That game reminded me of an old commercial. "We replaced the Arizona Cardinals with this middle school chess team. Let's see if anyone notices..."

Already looking forward to next season! More jokes, NFL and otherwise, at