03/26/2014 08:04 pm ET Updated May 25, 2014

Annex the Baja: The Cabo San Lucas Winter Olympics

The Olympic games bring all kind of important life lessons to its participants -- dedication, endurance, blah blah blah -- but they can also be a transformative experience for the host country. The Sochi games certainly blew a little wind up Vladimir Putin's dress, convincing him that if he was capable of putting on a winter Olympics at a not-so-very-Nordic latitude, and perhaps more importantly, killing off most of the stray dogs in Sochi, then what should prevent him from pursuing more interesting stunts -- say, annexing Crimea?

The international response to Putin's land grab has been one of heavy eyebrows and sanctions and booting Russia out of the G8.

Hopefully these actions will straighten things out, but if they don't, may I suggest that we, the United States of America, move quickly to annex the Baja? Look at the map. The Baja is clearly a much more natural extension of southern California than it is of mainland Mexico; you don't have to be a geographer to see that the tectonic plates or whatever are saying, "Here, this is yours. You should have this. Keep it."

It's like the bumper stickers in New Mexico that say, "If God wanted Texans to ski, He'd have given them mountains." If God, or the IOC, had wanted the Baja to go to Mexico, they would have attached it more firmly to Mexico. This isn't nationalistic fervor, this is just geographical logic.

Of course, we're a democratic country and so we wouldn't annex someone without their expressed written consent. Absolutely, the people of the Baja would be allowed to vote on whether they'd like to be part of the world's most freedom-oriented, ultra-swag nation -- the country that created the NFL Network, the iPhone, Snapchat and Miley Cyrus.

Then we bamboozle the IOC into giving us the next Winter Olympics, and we hold them right there in the sweltering Baja, just to show Vlad how we get things done here in the good ol' U.S. of A.