11/25/2014 06:46 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2015

My New Role Model

Blend Images - Jon Feingersh via Getty Images

I've been longing for a role model. Someone to look up to. I've been searching online, in books, everywhere for someone who I'd like to emulate.

Over the years I've had many different role models.

There was Tina Tuner when I was about 8, The German exchange student who stayed with my family when I was in highschool, Sonia Sanchez in college. Once into the real world, there were many working writers I longed to be like, and then after my best friend passed away I sought models in Buddhism and the fields of healing.

Well, again, here I am, looking, searching, for female role models.

It's not so much the want to be like somebody else, but the want to impact the world in a similar way. A want to find someone who teaches what I'm looking to understand.

I grew up believing that wanting to be like others was bad. I went to an all girls school that was pretty competitive, and the need to fit in sometimes was pretty fierce. It's not good to follow the crowd. Be your own person. Draw outside the lines. All statements of truth for sure. But how are we supposed to grow if we have nothing above us to reach toward?

The less and less we see women in roles we want to emulate, the less likely we are to strive to become those roles. I'm constantly hunting for role models. Female role models. Relationship role models.

Role models are kind of like my therapy. By seeing what can be accomplished I know my life can always be different. My narrative can always be edited and rewritten.

By seeing other women who are enjoying their careers, loving being a mother, appreciative of their partners, it makes me feel like I too can have that.

Maybe that's my new role model -- the roles themselves.