12/16/2014 12:48 pm ET Updated Feb 15, 2015

The Silent, Invisible Woman and Midlife Misery? Tell Me I'm Wrong


Word on the street is that as we roll into our 50's, we are silently lining up for the inevitable magic carpet ride to a sentence of invisible silent misery.

Please tell me I'm wrong!

I know the scene well. It plays out like this: We have the midlife fantasy of becoming a stress-free, internally-driven spiritual oasis, one who makes epic, goddess-like choices and eagerly takes chances that lead to the fulfillment of eternal passion. Except we are still giving ourselves endless shit about whether we did the right thing, drag our inner victim around to comfort us, play the martyr like we are in it for the academy award, downsize our ambitions and then feel crappy because we aren't perfect.

Life feels measured out in lumps too small.

Aging and changing is inevitable; the ease of it is not. It can precipitate that nasty voice of uncertainty along with the dramatic gifts presented by modern middle life -- menopause, health concerns, career shifts, the empty nest, divorce and death -- that create an overwhelming crisis of identity and false or unknown purpose.

I don't know, sisters, I think many of us have softened into our wisdom, and yes, some have settled into resignation. A large number of us, really. AND maybe some have no idea what they want at this stage of life, so they do nothing.

I certainly don't call this [mid] life a crisis, do you?

We all love imagining life without worry, thinking through what we could manage to fit in to achieve it -- tweaking everything from sleeping and eating to creating perfection in routines, rhythms and THE bucket list.

Are we all exhausted? Or maybe some are sitting silent in wisdom, observing this so-called "midlife madness"?

I have changed my pace. I go easier now, on myself and others.

I have learned that the subtle elements of being adaptive nudge me to go with the flow more when needed. I set aside the negative feelings easier, aware that if I'm bitchy, it's because I'm overtired, overstressed or I've managed to let my cup run dry.

Midlife isn't viewed through the image in the mirror. The new fantasy is not about accomplishments and fairytale outcomes; it's grounded in personal meaning, vision, energy stores, events yet to imagine and probabilities of having time and doing our best that day.

There is a longing to be more malleable, hot, happy and authentic. We can be hot stuff without the pretending or chasing the ideals of our own midlife according to what others think or are doing.

Midlife fulfillment feels like a whole new kind of navigational map. So many of us have changed the rules.

These have become the 'F*ck you' years, because as we get clear on what is important, we quite frankly become done with being quiet.

I am well aware that the invisible midlife force does exist, yet, I also know that our sage wisdom now inter-plays with our yearning. Where there is smoke, there is fire.

So, maybe it's time.

To embrace the do no harm, take no shit philosophy.

To shout that we are no longer here to make people comfortable by hiding our truth.

We are all wise. When we see crazy coming, we now cross the street. We won't put up with anything that doesn't serve us. Getting mired in the mucky past, crying over what was; what wasn't and what might have been needs to be an old option.

It's time! Our time!

Sisters, maybe we need to call it! Put those ideas, goals and desires on the front burner.

On our terms!

Living in the present.

Learning to accept and go with what is.

Keep choosing life and moving forward.

It's time for big, juicy dreams to be born.

"So, here's to us: the bold, audacious, strong, gorgeous, talented, and powerful women who are proving that life is fabulous and mid-life is no longer a final destination, but an express subway stop. We are not just re-inventing ourselves -- we are in fact re-inventing the entire fucking wheel... and for some, like myself, doing it in the middle of the night." -Amy Ferris

Because are the majority of us still lining up for the magic carpet ride into silent midlife hell and unhappiness? I'd love to know.