10/17/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Egg on the Face of the Alcohol Control Board of Alabama: Banning Bodies is So Passe

The shaming of the female form took on a whole new face when the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control labeled the nymph replica of a late 1880's French Art Nouveau image featured on Cycles Gladiator wines from California's Hahn family an offensive image of "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner," and proceeded to BAN its sale in the state.

While the AABC has no problem with wines sold under suggestive names like Menage A Trios from the Follies A Deux family of wines, the more benignly named but visually sensual Cycles Gladiator has been banned for the original Cycles Gladiator Bicycles logo:

At least they're not suggesting a threesome (no offense to the wonderful family of wines sold under this clever guise)!

Heaven forbid one should view a woman in a sensuous pose while lapping libations. The image of a sexy nymph seems, to the conservatives at the ABC, far more suggestive than the horde of overtly "suggestive" labels lining shelves in the state.

Apparently, the threat of viewing a sensual female image is worse than coming right out and calling for non-vanilla adult play. Sequestering the female form is outrageous, especially assuming that those of sufficient age to lap alcoholic libations would be mature enough to quell inappropriate primal urges prompted by viewing a beautiful woman. I am loath to understand why, in this day and age, the female body is banned and blamed for its potential to incite unsavory behavior in what should be responsible adults.

Shouldn't we, as an evolved society, be able to handle artistic nudity with nary a truly sexy detail?
Celebrating the female form is cause for improved self-image, acceptance of our humanity and improved communication at any age. The notion that seeing a body will have more devastating effects on anyone's psyche than the violence regularly featured at all hours on the boob tube is heinously misguided.

At least, the 800% sales increase of Cycles Gladiator wine nationwide in the days following the ABC's decision was a savory end to this flippant and narrow-minded effort to suppress an artistic image.

Fortunately, out of sight does not necessarily mean out of mind and market, nor does "bad press" actually have horribly negative consequences in this day and age.

Cheers to the rest of us, who know that a body is beautiful, good wine is good wine and censoring art is un-American.

Oh, and uh, weren't YOU born naked too?