02/12/2015 06:47 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Make Love Every Day


Since this weekend we celebrate Valentine's Day, I thought it appropriate to talk about love. Yeah, that’s right, love.

I don’t know about you, but the one thing I want more in my life is love.

One of the most valuable personal development principles I was ever taught was:

Don’t want what you want. That will only create more want.

Instead: Give what you want. That will ignite the process of creating it.

This works in all categories, let’s explore…

What do you want?

Confidence? Then bolster the confidence of someone else.

Courage? Then encourage to someone else.

Hope? Then provide hope to someone else.

Money? Then give money to support someone/something else.

Belief? Then instill belief in someone else.

Love? Then give love to someone else.

Being raised without a mother and having Sergeant Gunnery Hartman (remember Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket?) as a father I’m a little uncomfortable expressing my love.

So I started making/giving love privately. I outlined this in The Compound Effect:

…Second, I do something that sounds a bit odd, but I send love to someone. The way to get love is to give it, and one thing I want more of is love. I give love by thinking of one person, anyone (it could be a friend, relative, co-worker, or someone I just met in the supermarket -- it doesn’t matter), and then I send them love by imagining all that I wish and hope for them. Some would call this a blessing or a prayer; I call it a mental love letter….

This process turns on my love magnets every morning. It’s amazing how the world changes around me when I turn on the magnets in the morning.

Another form of love making I do is…

Knowing many people’s love language is appreciation, I try to go through my day looking for ways to thank and appreciate the people around me I catch doing great things. When I say, “I appreciate you” what I am really saying (if I were courageous enough to say it plainly) is “I love you.”

Also, once a week I write a handwritten note or at least an unexpected email or even a text to tell someone how important he or she is to me and how much I appreciate him or her.

On this Valentine’s Day, and every day, I encourage you to make love.

You can do it privately (to start) or write, type or text it. But even better is if you take a single human being by the shoulders, look deeply into their eyes and simply say, “I love you” (scary, I know).

Try it, at least one person -- today.

Then maybe another tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I love you. -- Darren