03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Laughing All The Way To The Grave

Disclaimer: For the most part, I think our president walks on water--and god forbid I ever say anything that makes Sarah Palin sound sensible.

Last night I laughed along with President Obama and David Letterman at the mention of the phrase "death panel." Ironically, just hours before Obama appeared on the Late Show, a study was released in time for National Alzheimer's Day. I don't remember hearing about this holiday, but the study is no joke:

More than 35 million people around the world are living with Alzheimer's disease or other types of dementia. Barring a medical breakthrough, the World Alzheimer Report projects dementia will nearly double every 20 years. By 2050, it will affect a staggering 115.4 million people.

That's a lot of death panels.

It's a classic--death panels have become a trigger for comedy. We often laugh most at the stuff that makes us squirm. It's so much easier to laugh than to talk about it.

Nothing strikes more at the core of life than death. The numbers alone, in people and in dollars, make it urgent that we do talk. Death deserves discussion, even without this new study, as 77 million baby boomers (known for ushering in the Age of Aquarius) approach the Age of Medicare.

This is just one part of a complex conundrum that touches on ethics, science, religion, politic, finance, medicine and law, and calls for the wisdom of some modern day Solomon. Though I can still remember debating the merits of euthanasia in junior high, the advancements of science have come far faster than our solutions. I think any solution starts by having those conversations we don't want to have--not only as a society, but with our public officials, our doctors, our families, and ourselves.

Maybe it's easier for me than for most people. You could say I'm lucky, that I've faced death and I don't fear it as much as I once did. Plus I've got genetics "on my side." My family tree and all its branches are riddled with disease. I never dreamed of living into triple digits--no one related to me has come close to 90. My mother died of cancer at 41. When I myself got cancer at 45, I used to say that my goal was to live long enough to get Alzheimer's.

Sometimes you do get what you wish for. 14 years past cancer I might be looking ahead to Alzheimer's, but I'm not complaining. Though I'd sure wish for a happier ending.

Years ago I still held hope that I would live to see a "cure" for the diseases that killed both of my parents. The truth is that my wish will probably come true--unless I get cancer again, it will probably be Alzheimer's that kills me. After watching my father's family fall like dominos, I fully expect to descend into dementia someday.

Like death, dementia is an equally rich mine field for comedy. I believe there's nothing too sacred to laugh at, so for years I've been joking with my family--telling my husband that someday he'd be dealing with my diapers and my drool. Making my children promise to "pull the plug" when I don't recognize them any more.

I only wish there had been a plug to pull that could have relieved my sister, brother and myself from watching helplessly as our once brilliant father went from being our rock to being our responsibility. Millions of other families can testify to one of the cruelest aspects of Alzheimer's: not only does it rob its victims of their memories, it also affects the memories of the people who love them. My children are left with memories of their grandfather similar to those I have of my grandmother: a grandparent who looked at them without seeing them; a body without a soul.

I know my father wouldn't have wanted this for the end of his life and I don't want this for mine. When it's allowed to take place, a discussion of death proves its value on many levels. I hope our culture will expand its examination of this issue from comedy to real conversations.

Maybe you saw the recent Newsweek cover with its hard-to-miss headline: The Case for Killing Granny. I don't want to get tangled in the health care debate. I will say though that for me, thinking ahead to dementia, the headline hit home.

I'm not sure society could ever reach a point of agreement. I'm not sure we need to. Even within my own immediate family, I can't speak for anyone but myself. And I know my opinion might be hard to accept--just like my humor might be sometimes.

To me, this issue boils down to the question of quality vs. quantity and I believe we are entitled to direct the path of our own lives--including the choice of how to end them. I support anyone who wants to prolong life as long as possible for whatever reasons. For me, assuming I develop Alzheimer's before there's a cure, forgive me for saying the decision would be a no-brainer. I don't want my family to experience what I did with my father's mental decline. I would choose to determine with my rational mind the point at which I believe my dignity would outweigh my death.

Though medicine has plenty in its magical bag of tricks to extend my years, I personally would be happy to have another comedy staple, Dr. Kevorkian, perform his own brand of magic when the time comes. I'm not a grandmother yet, but I hope my children would have the courage and the choice to pull the plug or to make that case to kill granny. And this time I'm not joking, I'm dead serious.