01/02/2013 03:23 pm ET Updated Mar 04, 2013

Why Gun Control Advocates Are Wrong -- Dead Wrong

The Second Amendment was included in the Bill of Rights to protect citizens from a tyrannical federal government. That's why gun control advocates have it utterly backward when they call for the ban of assault weapons and high-capacity clips. That is a slippery slope in the wrong direction.

If the citizens want to rise up against the modern U.S. military, they are going to need more than a rack full of muskets and a whole lotta grit. In fact, passing out assault weapons would only be a small step in the right direction. We must do more.

If today's patriots were to challenge the Leviathan of state, they'd be vaporized before you could say "Remember Waco" -- crushed under the massive jack boot of a government controlling half the planet's military hardware. The killer drones, fighter planes, tanks, aircraft carriers, subs, precision-guided nuclear missiles, and buildings full of intelligence gathering personnel would likely overwhelm even thousands of assault rifles and the tactical expertise of Chuck Norris and Ted Nugent.

No, we need to issue thermonuclear weapons to each and every citizen upon birth. If every household has a few tactical nuclear arms, surface-to-air missiles, bunker-busting bombs and a salad of chemical agents in the pantry, we're all going to be a whole lot safer. If everybody had the missile codes, who would be foolish enough to launch the first strike? Certainly not any of the responsible gun-owning Americans who never fail to lock their gun cases nor discharge their weapons without soberly considering the consequences.

And rest assured this is no theoretical parlor game. Tyranny is upon us. As we speak, a duly elected President has the unfettered ability to suggest moderate federal regulations or incremental tax adjustments!

What stands between the President's bully pulpit and tyranny? Nothing but two powerful legislative bodies, a robust and diverse media culture and an independent judiciary.

Patriotic citizens, the time has come to put down the peace cookies and pass the yellowcake.

We need a nuke in every kitchen!