Some Republicans wouldn't acknowledge global warming even if the ice cubes in their freezers caught fire. And this winter's ample snow gives the "Ignore Gore Corps" more denial ammunition despite the long-term rise in our planet's temperatures.
So, with the hope that some offbeat info will shake up the thinking of these Big Business-beholden bozos, here are 10 weird proofs of climate change. Yup, the Earth is getting so warm that:
1. "Beelzebub" moved from 984,655 to 897,132 on the list of most popular baby names.
2. The unemployment rate for snowmen topped 20 percent.
3. Toasters now work even when they're not plugged in.
4. The North Pole opened its first nude beach.
5. The average polar bear now has 10 window fans on her ice floe.
6. A dog grew a 47-foot tongue to pant with.
7. The Summer Olympics moved to winter and the Winter Olympics moved to Pluto.
8. A company introduced 30,000-SPF sunscreen (which has the added bonus of protecting against nuclear blasts).
9. "The Christmas Song" now features the line "Chestnuts exploding on an open inferno."
10. St. Nick sweated away his entire body before his sleigh reached Richmond. Yes, Virginia, there isn't a Santa Claus.
But there is climate change.