THE BLOG
07/22/2013 01:52 pm ET Updated Sep 21, 2013

Fifty Shades of Blue

We have a Pinterest board with what we call the Dubinisms, various quotes from movies, songs, some that I've made up, that essentially define our message in just a few words. I'm sure I'm not alone in having a board like this, but decide what to be and go be it. Hey, It's my life, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. This week, I re-played my DVD copy of Becca Babcock's story, I'm a Visitor in Your World. I don't believe Becca ever made it to her 30th birthday. Genetic colon cancer took her too early. While she was in The Colondar with me, she was a different year, so I never met her, despite trying to see her once while in Chicago on business. So when I say scars are tattoos with better stories, I think of Becca. She had plenty of both, much more so than me. The sharp knife of a short life.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. I'm pretty good at failing, so I guess I'm doing well. Yay! The business has closed. Everything is transitioned. The warehouse is empty. Off to Atlanta for a national meeting for a new company with some great opportunities. Excited yet somber. Over the years, I've saved several one-cent co-payment checks simply since they weren't worth the paper they were printed on, and the postage it cost to mail them. Now I can finally throw them away as they've been expired for years. While in Atlanta, I may see Rob and Gary, two friends I haven't seen since I had hair, and hot dogs were a nickel, and the subway was free, and teenagers didn't do meth. Twenty years, where'd they go? Back then, we didn't have electricity, so we played XBox by candlelight, actually Dungeons and Dragons. Great memories of schlepping a dozen hours to Tallahassee to see Springsteen in concert. Blood brothers in a stormy night with a vow to defend, but all these lines on my face are getting clearer. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. And don't call me Shirley.

Doing well now, but health isn't indefinite, especially those of us with genetic cancer. Enjoying the moment is something my family and I have gotten good at it. You'll never hear me tell people that they need to be positive and upbeat when dealing with cancer or any other tough situation. But while death is a topic that most of us avoid discussing, it's part of the circle of life. Someday, like Becca, I may lose my battle. My fear of death is overshadowed by my fear of not living. I want you to remember me as you see me today, Alive And Kicking.