THE BLOG
06/13/2010 02:29 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

World Cup Predictions From an American Soccer Fanatic, Group E: Cameroon, Japan, Denmark, Netherlands

I can't help it, I am so on love with this Holland team I want to marry it, take it on a honeymoon and have my way with it repeatedly. Robin van Persie is like a cross between Dutch Master Johann Cruyff and the little boy who put his finger in the dyke. Arjen Robbin, in addition to being an absolutely fabulous artiste with the ball at his feet, is also a diva of divers, ready to crumble in agony when struck by a stiff breeze. But can they win the whole thing? Absolutely not. They are, after all, Dutch. They will eventually, inevitably disintegrate like a bunch of spoiled high strung schoolgirls. The Danes have some seasoned veterans, but their dark brooding nature is an insurmountable obstacle.

Cameroon, the Indomitable Lions (greatest team name ever!), do in fact have an indomitable lion spearheading their enterprise, the resplendent Samuel Eto'o. And they are buttressed by a splendid hardman who is part of World Cup history. Rigobert Song is not only the youngest player ever to be ejected from a World Cup, when he was given the heave ho at the tender age of 17. He is also one of two players to be sent off at two different World Cups. You may have heard of the other: Zinadane Zidane. I'm rooting for Rigobert to break the record. The Japanese have perhaps my favorite uniform in the tournament. But they can't score goals. Which makes it very difficult to win games. So I believe Japan will fall on their own sword in South Africa.

GROUP E: YES: Netherlands & Cameroon NO: Japan & Denmark


David Henry Sterry is, along with San Francisco literary legend Alan Black, author of The Glorious World Cup: A Fanatic's Guide. With contributions by Po Bronson, Irvine Welch, and Simon Kuiper