THE BLOG
08/23/2014 08:05 am ET Updated Oct 23, 2014

Before You Give Up On Dating, Read This

Do you ever feel like throwing in the dating towel?

You've met enough jerks, insensitive guys, dull women or men, or total non-communicators. Perhaps it's individuals that are not supportive or with whom you share few common interests. Maybe there's absolutely no chemical attraction! You need this last one, I don't care what anyone says!

It might be your brain has been fried with mind numbing dates... tolerable, but ultimately insufferable. Or the ones where the person is a complete... pardon the expression, a**hole. I think I can use that term here on the Huffington Post, if not you won't be reading this line!

If you find yourself nodding your head, rest assured you are not alone. Often, (not always) the older you get the more negative experiences you accumulate and the sense of futility grows and grows. At some point, you might be getting ready to call it a day and simply give up on the rat race of dating.

Wait! Stop! Halt! Don't toss in your hat just yet. I make very few guarantees, but as they say in advertising "I can virtually guarantee" there is someone out there for you. Perhaps a diamond in the rough, an unexpected stranger, or dare I say it... your mother's friend's son (oy vey). It might even be an old pair of shoes that with a good spit polish will dance you off into the sunset.

I'm not making light of the frustrations of dating and finding the right person for the first, second, or third time. Believe me, I write from much experience, not just as a life coach, but as a baby boomer that grew up and burned out on singles dances, vowing never to return. This was before the digital age dawned offering all sorts of new opportunities.

My favorite ex met her husband of 11+ years and two children later, online. Some of the happiest marriages I know of started via the Internet. It really can work when the stars are aligned, you know what to look for and you put yourself in the right frame of mind. Positive!

That being said, I don't advocate a particular way to find dates -- simply that, whatever method you choose to make contact with the opposite sex the key is knowing yourself and then "to thine own self be true!"

Let's try a quick Mind Acrobatics™ exercise. Although the instructions call for closing your eyes, feel free to keep them open... either way works!

Mind Acrobatics Exercise #1: "What the Heck Do I Really Want?"

Time needed: 10 or 15 minutes.
Materials: Paper, pen, great music, favorite beverage and positive outlook.
Location: Wherever you are most relaxed.

  • Play the music you associate with the happiest period in your life.
  • Take a sip of your drink.
  • Breathe in and out slowly a few times.
  • Close your eyes and listen to the music playing.
  • With eyes closed begin to imagine the perfect relationship.
  • What are the character traits you most desire in the opposite sex?
  • List the deal breakers you absolutely won't accept.
  • What strengths and great qualities do you bring to the table?
  • What do you enjoy most about dating?
  • What's your biggest turn-on?
  • List an actor or anyone you've encountered that "personifies" your ideal.
  • What is it about them that attracts your interest?
  • Recall the best date you ever had.
  • Write a paragraph about it with eyes still closed.
  • Open your eyes.

Great you've just completed a bit of creative visualization. You'll do more in the future if you really want to transform and supercharge your dating.

In fact, instead of the SOS, you're going to experience The Thrill Of The Hunt.

How is this going to happen? It's simple. You've already begun to clarify what makes you feel best in a relationship. Soon you'll transform that knowledge into an action plan that will help you determine the best way to fast forward, and put some fun back into dating.

Everyone wants to give advice about finding Mr. or Ms. right, but often it's about their concept of what you desire or worse, what they think is best for you!

Don't listen to others. Learn from your own experiences what works for you.Take control of your life and dating. As is often heard in the background of Adam Sandler movies... "you can do it!"

Mind Acrobatics Exercise #2: "Imagination Time... Let's Get Crazy!"

Here's both a physical and mental activity rolled into one. It's innocent fun.

  • Take a leisurely stroll while the weather's nice.
  • Imagine you are walking arm and arm with someone.
  • This individual makes you laugh and feel good about yourself.
  • Enjoy the outdoors and hold a conversation with that person.
  • I mean it. Let go, chat, and imagine the responses you are receiving.
  • Put a smile on your face and laugh a little.
  • Give that person's arm an affectionate squeeze.
Sound weird? Worried people will think you're crazy? Put a Bluetooth or any sort of hearing device in your ear. A benefit of the digital age is you can pretend you're talking.
  • Continue the conversation with your amiable companion.
  • After finishing your stroll write down thoughts or associations you had.
Fantastic, once you've returned from your pleasant little jaunt or perhaps mini-assignation you will have completed two exercises designed to help you get a clearer picture of what you find most desirable in a relationship.

Do a few more Mind Acrobatics or take any other action that enables you to help crystallize in your mind what you really are looking for in a significant other. E-mail me with the word "date" in the subject line and I'll be glad to send you another Mind Acrobatics' exercise.

When you feel you've pinpointed what's really important to you create your action dating plan, adopt a positive attitude and get ready to play. Make dating fun. Recall the old TV show The Dating Game. It was a blast. And remember... "You can do it!"

Whether it's an introduction from a friend, a dating website or a happenstance meeting in a coffee shop... the more you know about yourself the better your chances of finding a great match.

Enjoy Life... after all what's the alternative!

Thanks for reading this article. Below are links to a couple more you may find interesting.

Finding Mr. Right!

My Man Won't Commit!

Here's the complete list of all my HP articles about dating, self-insight and our ability to craft the quality of life we want.

Contact Life Coach Dave Kanegis at: hpbloggerdave@gmail.com

If you're looking for a great assortment of interesting articles while browsing Facebook remember to check out the Huff/Post 50 Facebook page!

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