Tuesday: Lady Gaga Marries The Night while performing her latest hit "Marry The Night" during the opening moments of the Grammy Nominations Concert Live!: Countdown To Music's Biggest Night. Less than an hour later, Gaga is spotted by millions singing "You And I" with Sugarland. Pop culture pundits note that The Night is nowhere to be seen at the end of the show.
Wednesday: The women on "The Talk" argue passionately whether Lady Gaga really should have "Dated The Night" first. Strangely, no consensus emerges.
Thursday: Us Weekly reports that Lady Gaga is meeting privately with legal counsel to discuss strategies to "Divorce The Night."
Five Minutes Later Thursday: The Night announces that he has retained the services of Gloria Allred and Kim Kardashian's publicists, and issues a curt statement about the dissolution of his marriage with Gaga. "She's no Lady," The Night claims.
Friday: In a mildly shocking development, Gladys Knight claims that The Night was STILL married to her when he married Lady Gaga on Tuesday night. The Pips are reportedly pissed. The Night's proposed and much buzzed-about E Television series Executive Produced by Ryan Seacrest is instantly scrapped. Asked how she found out about Gaga's marriage to her husband, the soul great says only, "I heard it through the grapevine."