05/14/2014 04:39 pm ET Updated Jul 13, 2014

Friends First, Lovers Last... Or Else...

Friends First... Lovers Last... It's the Little Things...That Will Keep Us Intact

This past Saturday, writing the ending to my latest novel, Ride To Restoration, I had an epiphany. "Life is never black and white when it comes to love and sex. It's emotionally charged, gut wrenching shades of gray, hints of orange, smatterings of red and brilliant hues of blue. Collectively, these explosive occurrences, if we're fortunate to survive them, cohesively tossed together, molds us into the wise sage we are today. No longer the star crossed, sex conquers all lover, we proudly thought we were.... some 10, 20, even 30 years ago."

Beginning with love, it's friends first... stupid. Having endured a two decades old relationship that ended badly, not as I promised or planned, made me realize how much you can love someone and still find yourself on the outs, especially when you're no longer friends. The "I missed you while you were gone," glow became over time, the "Oh, it's you" glare. Sad realities come to pass, after many years of blood, sweat and tears invested in the inherent goodness of us.

Yet, as I came to realize, through the good times and bad, in order to live and thrive, you must at first survive. And it's better to survive as friends, than as lovers gone array. Because, as I just read somewhere of late, the one who controls you with no, not now, I have a headache, owns you. Yuk!

I readily confess, I learned the hard way. It's best to have a friend, who becomes your lover, not your lover you hope becomes your friend. Because, (Ta Da,) when your lover is no longer your friend, you're S.O.L. on both counts. That, and the fact that as HIS or HER desires change over time ( AND THEY WILL) it propels us into the abysmal world of screwed, literally. Yuk Again!

Let's move on to the little things that mean a lot. Which, in the end, if we can master, there will be no big things that thrust us as couples, towards dissolution or divorce.

Kids or no kids... careers or no careers... putting each other first and always is the key to maintaining a thriving relationship, as friends.


How many times do you make the bed in a week?
Do laundry, housework, homework with the kids?
Grocery shop or cook?
I'll move on...
Kiss her when you wake up, when you go to sleep?
Hug her when you part, hug her when you return?
Text her during the day and say, "I love you."
Leave love notes under her pillow, in her cosmetic drawer?
Take an after dinner stroll, bring her breakfast in bed?
Make her laugh at your silliness?

Men, these little things.... mean a lot... just do it!


When is the last time:
You planned a date night?
Shared a romantic dinner for two?
Told him how much you loved him?
Made his dreams come true?

I'll move on....

Sat down, cuddled and actually watched a ball game with him?
Laughed at his goofy jokes?
Asked him to go for a walk with you... alone?

Ladies, these little things... mean a lot... just do it!

It's the little things, such as these and thousands more
That make us friends first and always
And lovers when we choose to be
More so now, than in the past.

Friends First.... Lovers Last... It's the Little Things... That Will Keep us Intact.

I invite you to read an exert of our latest novel, Ride To Redemption Here. It's an Adventurous, Love Story filled with Betrayal that Sizzles.... Paying It Forward, Is Not Without Costs.

I've been humbled by the number of glowing reviews thus far, plus one really bad one. A reader called it trash. Steamy, sizzling she must have missed...

Watch for the sequel, Ride To Restoration, publishing later this month.