To say "I do" or not to say "I do"? That is now the big gay question in New York State.
I firmly believe that gays have a right to be married. Why should straight people have a right to tell gay people what to do with their lives? I know that some of you right now are probably thinking, "The reason why I say 'No' to gay marriage is because that's the wrong message to send to our kids about marriage and relationships."
I think it's actually the right message to send to our kids. If you don't believe in gay marriage, if you think it's wrong, you can kick and scream and stand on your head all day long, but all you are doing is perpetuating stress, and guilt, and feelings of inadequacy in other people. Because our kids, the ones we're worried about being good adult role models for, they are either gay or they are not gay. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. So why not cultivate a society in which our gay youth are able to come out of the closet a lot sooner and their decision to do so isn't as difficult as we make it for them now? All of our children, gay and straight, will be a lot healthier in the long run.
All of my many gay friends have all told me they knew about their homosexuality from a very young age. So for those of us who are not gay: why not allow it, why not cultivate it? Why not absolutely embrace it? This antagonism makes no sense not to. We are so backwards in this country sometimes. It really makes my blood boil. Gay marriage? It's funny that all the debate, all the crying out, and all the polarized opinions, it's really happening among heterosexuals. Heterosexuals are really the ones calling the shots, making the decisions. We have no right whatsoever to tell people what to do or what not to do. No right.
I really think a lot of people are just afraid. I think a lot of straight people are afraid that they will be proven wrong in their assumption that marriage only works or is only appropriate between a man and a woman. I think they are afraid that maybe our gay population will get it right, that gays are able to live in fruitful long-term relationships and show straight people how to preserve a marriage.
I can't wait to see what the gay divorce stats are going to be in 10 years. Here's my prediction: I think that when it comes to men marrying men, I think the gay divorce rate is going to be through the roof. You're putting two hunters together, which really is a very peculiar thing in the beginning of a relationship. Many of my gay friends are monogamous, but some also have open relationships. They understand who they are and what their urges are, and allow each other to cheat, or are very quick to forgive the other if one of them cheats. They allow each other to explore other sexual partners.
Heterosexual couples, we always seem to have a lot of trouble keeping relationships together. It requires constant care and attention to keep a healthy, great relationship alive. But it's not just heterosexuals because really, at the root of it, monogamy is very hard for a lot of couples, especially for the men in the relationship.
And really when I think about it, and in my years of coaching men and understanding the way a lot of male minds work, gay couples in sexually progressive relationships might have it right when it comes to accommodating the needs of some men. My prediction might be wrong for these guys. Their marriages might stay together because instead of a pre-nuptial contract over finances, they'll have a pre-nuptial contract over sex. And in that sex pre-nup, they'll allow each other an affair or two a year, or whatever it is they may agree to, in order to keep the relationship burning and hot, and to keep their mutual expectations of each other realistic.
I think the lesbian divorce rate will be very low. I think that on the whole, women mature into the relationship much quicker, they don't have the craving for that sexual variety many men have, and women are more eager to form a deep emotional bond that feels irreplaceable.
But we could sit here and speculate all day long. Regardless of any of my predictions on lesbian and gay divorce, we're not going to have any real answer and (for those of you who love academic studies and statistics) we're not going to have any reliable sources, until we allow gays and lesbians the freedom to do what they choose and to do what they want.
I know some of you are thinking, "God, but they adopt a kid, that kid is going to have two dads or two moms, and that's really going to screw up the kid psychologically..." I'm not a psychologist, but I'll tell you one thing, I'd rather have two great dads any day than one lousy dad and one mediocre mother. Or two wonderful mothers that took great care of the whole family instead of a mother and father who constantly fought, were angry, and showed no love for each other.
We have to stop judging people for what lifestyle they lead and start looking at people for the strength of who they are and how they live. We have to really develop a culture and a mindset in this country that allows people to make a lifestyle choice and be able to respect and embrace themselves for it, and not be forced into a mold predetermined by those around them.
If we made the simple choice against intolerance, we could support people in their lifestyle decisions. That's really what makes the world go around. That's what makes us -- that's what makes our country the great country that we live in. That's why our families came here in the first place, it's why people continue to come here, and, until very recently, that's why we were all proud to be from here and others truly respected us.
Life is all about embracing things we're not familiar with and learning from other people. So let us marry gaily!
And of those of you concerned about the "sanctity" of marriage or adopted children, let's find out what the gay divorce rate is first. Let's see how gay marriages, or gay divorce rates, will even affect their children. You could be pleasantly surprised.