THE BLOG
06/01/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Setting The Record Straight

Some of you have misinterpreted my previous blogs on cheating. So in this blog I am going to make my position on cheating -- and cheaters -- perfectly clear.

Once again, I am going to say that when it comes to Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, neither you nor I have any idea what their relationship dynamic is. None of us do, no matter how many articles are written about it.

Now that Jesse James is apparently going the Tiger Woods and David Duchovny route of sex rehab, all of you are saying "See, there is another sleazy man who cheated on his poor wife." We love to judge, and we love to make someone a villain and another person a victim. Jesse James, by the way, is the perfect villain name.

Even when we fight in our own relationships, we love to point the finger and find blame in the other person instead of looking deep inside ourselves. "Victim and villain" is the theme of movies, books, and every relationship that we have.

We have become a society of blamers. In reality, though, it takes two people in a relationship to create a problem.

So how do I REALLY feel about cheating and about cheaters? Probably not the way you think I do. Let me tell you exactly how I feel.

For those of you who feel the need to cheat, I know you fall into a few different "categories" of why you feel you need to do this. I have friends who cheat on their wives, and they tell me they cheat because "it's just what men do." I also know people who rationalize cheating by saying "Men cheat, so I'm allowed to cheat."

I know guys who have great sexual relationships with their significant other, but they still cheat because they just need a little extra "somethin' somethin'" on the side. I also know people who are swingers who cheat together.

You know, I actually consider the swinger form of cheating to be pretty healthy. If you're going to cheat, at least allow your partner to cheat too. You may as well cheat together.

So I'm actually all for the swinger lifestyle in that respect. It's not the lifestyle for me, but I do think it's a healthy lifestyle that works for certain people.

For people out there who are cheating and rationalizing it, however, you are the people for whom I have no respect. I have no respect for people who cheat because they don't have the balls to actually talk about their relationship with their partner.

I have no respect for people who cheat because they can't admit that they might need to break off the relationship and be on their own again, and due to some weird co-dependency issue or "staying together for the kids" justification stay with their partner while they continue to cheat on them.

I have no respect for people who cheat and can't admit that they made a mistake. I have zero respect for any of these kind of people because they all are not being honest with their partners. You have got to be honest with your partner.

If it's not working out, then you need to be honest about that. Cut your losses and move on instead of cheating.

Even if you have kids or even if you're financially dependent on somebody, there are better ways to live your life. The kids always know when their parents are unhappy, so you're not fooling them by staying together.

If you're too cheap to get a divorce (which I know some people are) because some guys or some women have been the sole providers and you're too cheap, then basically you're living a life of hell.

In that situation, you're basically more married to a bank account than to your partner. God forbid that your bank account should be cut in half! You'd rather just cheat on the side and be in a miserable marriage your whole life. You know what? That's your own self-torture you've created for yourself.

Money can be remade, but you will never be able to make up all the time you lose being with someone you don't love. Life is about finding love and not being miserable.

As far as I'm concerned, if you're cheating for any of these reasons, you need to grow up. You need to really look in the mirror and realize that this ride you're on is not going to last forever.

Life is a one-shot deal. Granted, and depending on what you believe, you could be reincarnated and come back as a dog, a cat, or another soul. You really don't know what's in store for you.

So if you are out there cheating because you're not happy in your life, it's time to look yourself in the mirror. It's time to step up. It's time to cut financial losses. It's time to be honest with the kids.

Most of all, it's time to be honest with yourself and go find true love. Let me tell you something. I have true love, and nothing feels better than waking up every single morning with someone you think is the most amazing and incredible person you've ever met. The rest of you are depriving yourself.

So let's celebrate Jesse and Sandra for taking a proactive direction in their life. Let's stop judging, and start supporting each other.