I'm getting divorced. I'm going through a divorce.
The word divorce is such an ugly word. Just listen to the statements above. Say it out loud right now - "I'm going through a divorce." Such a powerful statement. "I'm getting a divorce," or, "I'm thinking about filing for divorce." Say these statements out loud, because they all sound so very harsh. Just that feeling of, ooooh, a divorce...
I look at divorce as a blessing. Divorce gives you the opportunity to go out there and rediscover what love is all about. It gives you the chance to find love again. Going through a divorce is a hard process. I know that making the decision to break up the family is a very difficult one. I know you wonder, What's going to happen to the poor children? How are they going to survive emotionally?
Let me tell you something: If both parents can truly express their love for the kids, give the kids an amazing amount of support, and don't trash each other while they're spending time with the kids, then the children will be fine.
You've got to look at divorce as a time share. Change your mind set regarding the stigma we've given the whole divorce process. Think about it. When you think "time share" you think of vacations in Hawaii, a place out in the Caribbean, maybe a home down in Mexico--basically any location where you like to spend your time that you happen to be sharing with someone else. Time shares are positive. People look forward to time shares. When you're got a fantastic time share, you don't think, "Gee, how terrible that I only get to spend part of the year on this beautiful home by the beach. The other owners must treat this home like crap when I'm not around." You don't think that. You enjoy your time, and you think of how fortunate you are to be able to take such a beautiful vacation.
Nobody likes a divorce settlement, but everybody loves a really good time share. So if you are going through a divorce (or if you're already divorced), as you think about the whole divorce process I want you think of your kids as a time share with your ex. Think of it as a fun thing, and enjoy the time that you're sharing with the kids.
This way, while you're with your children you're not thinking about how much you can't stand your ex, or how your ex ruined you and the kids. You're not sitting in frustration because you didn't want the divorce and now you've got to be single again, but you're miserable and don't want to go out and date.
I want you to make the most of your time share. I want you to enjoy your week with the kids. I want you to have an amazing and fun weekend with your children, and I want you to look at it as the most incredible time share you've ever had.
I know some of you are saying right now, "But David, you don't know the first thing about my divorce. My divorce was horrible." I've heard it all before. I've been doing this for a long time. I've heard about all of your divorces. I've heard about the good divorces that went smooth as can be, and the bad divorces that were a horrible wreck. Life is all about your mind set. It really is. Maybe you didn't want a divorce, maybe you weren't ready for the divorce. It wasn't your idea, or it wasn't your fault, or whatever. But right now your only choice is to look at this as a positive, amazing step in your life. Look at the positive things in life. You've got to look at what you're going through as a time share. The time share divorce.