Remember the old days of Hollywood sex?
In the movies, a sexy man would totally just ravish the leading lady. He'd look into her eyes, he'd kiss her, he'd tease her body from head to toe and when she couldn't take it anymore, he'd throw her against the wall and give her amazing, beautiful sex.
Then, at the end of those great Hollywood sex scenes, what would happen? The couple was hot, sweaty and exhausted. They collapse onto the bed in a heap before lighting up a cigarette. I always found that strange. Why the hell would you light up a smelly cigarette after some great sex? Still, it was Hollywood's way of exemplifying sex.
Now, the same kind of thing happens... but with a twist. A man takes a woman, he throws her down on the bed and he makes passionate love to her for hours. He makes her orgasm so hard she can feel it tingling throughout her body for minutes after. She always wanted to be with a man who could make her feel that way.
The sex is so amazing she can't get enough of it. When it's over, the guy gets up and heads to the bathroom for a glass of water, and she lights up... something else. What is it? She lights up her smartphone! She wants to track her Twitter feed, or to see which one of her friends texted her while she was having such mind-blowing sex. Her partner, coming back from the bathroom, looks at this beautiful woman glowing in the soft, ambient light and thinks, I didn't think I'd lit candles.
He then realizes it's the familiar glow of Twitter. And as he watches her draw her little fingers across the screen, he wonders what on earth she's doing. "I'm just answering a text," she explains.
"The sex was amazing. I love it. I love you. I'm just returning a text message, that's all."
What's wrong with this picture?
For me, there's a whole lot wrong with that picture. She's disconnected from that beautiful moment they just shared together. There's nothing more special than that post-sex feeling when you just lie there together and feel as if you're floating away. But she disconnected from that moment. Have you ever done this?
Personally, I've never done it. After sex, I just want to drift away into my lover's arms. I want to hold them. I want to feel them. I want to get lost in them. Most of the time, I don't want that moment to end. Have I been with a woman who disconnected from the moment by flicking on her phone? Yes, I have.
Did it upset me? Absolutely! Did I say something? Of course! The trouble was this woman was like a teenager. She was so attached to her Twitter feed and her friend's text messaging that she couldn't put her phone down. It was funny, really. I'd complain about her using her phone after sex and she'd get defensive. Then there'd be times I'd walk back into the room after getting some water and before I could say anything, she'd blurt out, "I'm just setting my alarm!"
It probably doesn't come as much of a surprise that I'm not with this woman anymore. I need a healthy relationship. I want a relationship where I can connect with my lover. I don't want to battle her phone, and I don't want to make love to her for hours, only for her to kill the moment by checking Twitter to see how many followers she has!
Here's a word to the wise: The next time you finish having sex, reach for your lover, because that's the best part of sex. Don't reach for your phone, because it disconnects you from the amazing moment you've just shared together.