THE BLOG
12/18/2014 04:50 pm ET Updated Feb 17, 2015

'Jingle Bell Rock?' Nope. 'Santa's a Chick'

CareyHope via Getty Images

Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa's a chick,
She lacks a dick, Santa's a chick,
No dude could do all they say that he does,
Only chicks could get all that done.

Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa's a chick,
Ain't that a kick, Santa's a chick,
Bakin' and wrappin' and deckin' the hall,
With her wine bottle!

What a headache, how her back aches,
Fifty-nine things to do,
It's pure chaos, runs her ass off,
Most of these men don't even have a clue.

Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa's a girl,
All 'round the world, Santa's a girl,
Started her list around June 24,
Men they wait until the day before.

Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa has boobs,
Thirty-six Cs, average boobs,
Bouncing and flouncing all over the mall,
Since the early fall!

On Black Friday, she's up early,
Left before the crack of dawn,
Flat-screen TVs, she'd like one, please,
"I'm sorry ma'am -- they're already gone."

Hurry up, Santa Chick, get the hell home,
Cookies don't bake themselves,
Hubs he's asleep and he's no help at all,
That's why Santa's a . . .
Surely Santa's a . . .
That's why Santa's a chick!

This post originally appeared on Dawn's blog, http://lightenupweber.blogspot.com/