01/22/2013 12:42 pm ET Updated Mar 24, 2013

How About We... Get Real With Date Activity Ideas?

Even though the idea of an activity-based online dating service appeals to me, I'm not about to trade my credit card number for infinite prospects of strolling through public spaces. No, thank you! Life isn't always dodging butterflies, yogis and dog poop in Central Park or admiring MoMA's curated collection of culturally significant plywood, for that matter. I'm looking for someone special with whom I can share my (very real) world, so I refuse to be anything other than authentic when I suggest the following encounters:

How about we... grab a quick drink before I see my psychoanalyst?
I prefer bars with couches.

How about we... hang out on my couch while I wrap up these 3 RFPs for work and catch up on last week's Downton Abbey?
I promise to make it worth your while. I'll relay to you verbally what I would have Tweeted snarkily had I watched it live.

How about we... check out Mr. Melon, this new fancy bodega on my block?
I heard they offer fresh green juice for $3 -- a steal!

How about we... spend some quality time handling my collection of way-too-revealing lingerie?
Hang on to this plastic CVS bag full of my stretched-out tights. In just a moment, we'll start sorting and throwing away the ones with holes in the toes and crotch.

How about we... share a light snack?
Hummus, anyone?

How about we... ROLE PLAY!?
Use this rope, bind up my dried-out Christmas tree and take her! Take her out of my living room, down the stairs and onto the curb!

How about we... put your witty banter to the test?
My health insurance keeps invoicing me for my yearly gyno visit, and those agents throw some serious shade over the phone.

How about we... learn a new language?
I have this exciting instructional text called "CSS," and we can use it to pretty up my personal blog!

How about we... dust off the SLR and channel our inner photographer?
I'm not getting much of a response on this site! Uploading some new candid profile photos should do the trick.