The loss of a loved one is an often difficult time for many of us. For me the loss of my youngest daughter, Cait Chivonne, was the devastation of my lifetime. While the process of grieving is unique to each of us, I propose there are certain premises; which upon consideration, just may provide a bit of solace steeped in truth for our grieving souls.
Myth #1: People die
I do not subscribe to death, per se. Rather, I believe in transition... the transition of souls. We are souls housed in vehicles, which are our bodies. These bodies serve us well during our time on this Earth. When someone passes from life on Earth as we know it, their physical body dies but their soul, which is their essential self, lives on and the energy transitions.
Myth #2: When people die they are gone
As souls transition they are not gone from us. That is not to say that we do not feel profound and tremendous loss, for we do. We experience a deep and painful physical loss. But, the souls of our loved ones are with us. The relationship is changed, to be sure, but as we allow our hearts to remain open, as we listen within ourselves, we realize the connections are there.... forever tethered... soul to soul.
Myth #3: We need to learn to say goodbye
While we bid adieu to our loved ones bodies, we embrace the love shared and realize that love truly never dies. While we part physically, we have the opportunity to connect so deeply as we carry our loved ones within our hearts and minds. We keep their memory alive as we honor them, as we speak their names, as we hold them at the very center of ourselves. Rather than a door closing, a new window opens.
Myth #4: We need to move on
The common concept and resulting advice is that one must "move on" after the passing of a loved one. I choose and recommend an alternative concept of "moving forward with" our loved ones. I believe in the forever connection between souls that continues after the passing of a loved one. I have found that gratitude is my foundation, for ever having had my daughter's beautiful soul in my life. I incorporate my daughter's memory into my life, and "move forward with" her. I do not "move on" without her.
Myth #5: Grief is a process we go through until completion
Grief is a journey... without destination. The process we encounter when deeply grief stricken is one, I believe, that continues throughout life. The deep and utter sadness that we feel is not something that we pray we "get over." Rather, let us learn to balance our grief with gratitude, with the understanding of respect for our sadness. Let respect and gratitude for the blessings we have been granted guide us throughout our life's journey. Let us balance our grief with true joy and happiness for the further blessings of life.
I say these are myths, as while I have been taught these five tenets, I believe they are misconceptions. I do not live my life as per these common teachings and I am happy to say I do live my life... knowing my daughter is with me always, knowing she is never gone from me, understanding I will never say 'goodbye,' never 'moving on' always 'moving with' and embracing the beauty of the pain of my grief, ever grateful that I was so very blessed. I wish the same for you.