THE BLOG
10/31/2016 05:24 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Family Takes You Back Every Time

Family just let's you come back. Even in the imperfect, at times estranged extended family mine has shown itself to be over the years, love can somehow hold fast. It clearly remains a strong force in us, despite our imperfect channeling of it.

I felt a little anxious on the way to dinner with extended family members I hadn't seen for 15 years last night. Things had fallen apart over wedding dramas long ago and people got offended as I recall. I doubt any one of us really knows what happened or why now. We all had our take on it back then but time clouded who did or said what.

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Anyway, we'd dropped out of contact. It was sad and a bit silly, but these things happen in extended families. Weddings in particular seem to be unavoidable drama-magnets, don't they?

No one mentioned any of that last night. We just had Friday night drinks, shared tapas dinner and a few laughs. No apologies. It was all too petty and distant to seem necessary now to address the past falling-out. However cranky we might have felt, for however long, something better cut in as soon as we sat down, started talking about life and sharing food. Time and distance just kind of collapsed, like it does with family. Those bonds hold something weirdly powerful and, if you let them, they wash away small feelings and keep you connected to a larger picture.

Some families suffer abuses that lay waste to their bonds; destroying attachments that would otherwise be powerful lifelong forces. Ours seem to be OK despite time apart and lack of contact. We've seen ups and downs, heartbreaks, a good dash of abandonment issues, taking offence, being huffy and coping with losses with the best of them. But apparently we're fortunate enough that the bonds never snapped. The web of connection and history was palpable as we ate together last night. I went from anxious to happy; feeling rejected years ago to feeling fully unconditionally restored; outsider to insider in the blink of an eye.

Family bonds are strained at times by dramas, mistakes, by every day human imperfections, fears and lapses. For me, a defining quality of family is that no matter what, you take each other back, every time.

Just BE the love that you ARE x

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