THE BLOG
03/31/2014 07:02 pm ET Updated May 31, 2014

Why Rekindling the Flame Is a Dummy Mission

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." - Jan Glidewell. To speak for our generation as a whole, we attach to what we know because we are familiar but I must say that nothing of value grows in the comfort zone. We fail to realize accepting the past and accepting the strangers of past relationships go hand in hand. Yes, absorbing our prior experiences to build a stable future is the ideal situation but embracing the past and carrying it into our present just sets our future up to meet familiar consequences.

History repeats itself. The same way that healthy relationships last, unstable ones repeatedly won't. Oh, and if you couldn't tell this piece will be quote laden because if the opinions were solely my own then you guys wouldn't believe me.

I charge the relational relapse to emotional optimism. We believe it is going to work because "It's going to be different this time" or "he or she's changed." How optimistic we are in proven circumstances is beyond me, not to say that I'm pessimistic but I believe in a more realistic ideology. Digging further, I believe it is a matter of comfort, you know the traditional trouble of leaving a situation because of how much time we have devoted to that significant other. But the finished, or finishing product, has to have amounted to some value or the time allotted is meaningless. What does it matter how long you've stared at your computer if you haven't written a word? Progress and the time committed aren't always parallel.

Let me ask you this: are you comfortable with those from your past? The concept of borrowed time may be your worst enemy; the feeling that everything is going to be alright comes with the everlasting ticking clock. Those endorphins wear their own watch and they leave when they want, as they've done in the past and in the meantime you are missing something worthwhile. I speak from experience; just recently I bought into the idea of "now" with someone that knew me well. Soon after I ran into that nostalgic wall where I remembered why it didn't work the first, second, or third time. Yes, I have been trampled with the romantic consequences of logical decisions. A mature move has left me with a hopeless romantic outlook, but revisiting past relationships can be immature in itself. It's the easiest route but it's far from scenic. We could explore Einstein's theory of insanity, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Although I'm not a fan of applying scientific theories to the realm of love and emotions. I feel as if love is an unpredictable science which can't be hypothesized and with that said, compatibility has a proven track record. A wise man once told me that a wise man said, "People don't change," but I'm a sucker for credible philosophies. Whether they do or they don't, I think that answer lies in the eyes of the beholder but those very individuals that you once knew have assured that they are incongruous with you as a person. For those that believe in destiny, we could discuss the infallible love that these young people so exuberantly express. The love that we think will carry bonds even amidst the most unforeseen situations. Love is happiness that you can invest through sacrifice of yourself in another, and if you are stressing yourself to make it work with someone of the past then you may very well love them but you aren't in love.

Reliving what was is fun and undoubtedly passionate but is it beneficial? Do you really find what you want in who you've lost? Or in those who have lost you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everything from the past shouldn't be resurrected but deciding what can, may be your most fruitful decision yet. So I guess you have to conclude if you are the one that got away or the one who let them go because your past can just as easily become your future if you allow it to be. Living for "what could have been," is pointless because that position is unattainable. Living for what is will set the precedent for what will be.