THE BLOG
01/14/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

McClellan Twenty-Eighth Person to Join 'Slow Clap,' Personal Press Machine Still Popping and Locking

Did everyone get the press release this morning? Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan has come out (don't get too excited) as the most recent in the disgruntled breadline of Americans critical of Bush's handling of the past eight years.

Doesn't McClellan seem like that kid whose mom finally succumbed to a desperate son's repeated pleas for the newest Zack Morris haircut and a pair of acid-washed jeans, so he can secretly plan to go to school on Monday and pick an oddly public fight with his best friend from Robotics Club that no one cares about in the first place?

No one thinks you're cool, Scott. Considering you were the fat, complacent face of the Bush Administration through Iraq, Plame, Katrina and more, why should we start complimenting you on jumping highest and most uninspiringly onto the one-note bandwagon currently doing doughnuts on the White House lawn? It's all very clever of you to point out, in the final throes, that the Bush Administration repeatedly chose "to turn away from candor and honesty when those qualities were most needed," and, simultaneously, do the "funny" dance around how you were, ostensibly, not doing your job. No one cares how many different hands were working you at the time, McClellan--you're still a tool.

This is just like the time you worked out that breakdance routine with that wannabe Johnny 5 robot you made out of a trashcan. I know that when you were practicing it over the weekend for 10 hours in your garage, it seemed like the most brilliant idea, and it was going to change everything in your high school career, and make all the liberal cheerleader hotties get up on your choad. But it's, like, five years after we've already decided we hate you. You had your chance in 6th grade, and you chose to hang out with losers. So your dance is kinda good--for a loser--but it's still not that good.

It's just another excuse for all the other media dweebs and spazzes (Yearbook) to get out of 20 minutes of class to give you and your aptly-timed Tell-All (of-the-Same-Shit-We've-Heard-Before) book the attention it so desperately needs. I was going to send my 21 cents to CCF today, but here you go, Scott. Do the dance again. It's almost the weekend, and we have to run the mile today in P.E.

In the meantime, anyone want to start shouting "Rudy" and him off the field? I think there is still time to catch that crowd...somewhere near Kyrgyzstan where the movie is finally being released.