05/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

An Open Letter to the Texas Board of Education From a Survivor of Its Public School System

Dear Texas State Board of Education,

I've been following the "liberal-hysteria" that's ensued since you approved those social studies curriculum changes last week, and as someone who received nearly my entire compulsory education -- grades 2-12 -- in the Texas public schools system, I must admit that I don't understand what all the fuss is about, particularly with regard to the following points:

The separation of church and state. Have any of the people who've gotten their panties in a wad over this ever been to a Friday afternoon pep rally? Or a school-sponsored lock-in? A graduation ceremony? Or a Texas high school football game... where being led in evangelical Christian prayer is considered standard pre-game ritual? Separation of church and state?! In Texas, church is state. So what if the United States Supreme Court says this isn't legal? Legal schmegal!

The importance of Thomas Jefferson. Was this so-called Founding Father really all that important? Sure, he wrote the Declaration of Independence, which took us from being Great Britain's bitch to being our own country, but guess what? Texas was once its own country, too! Take that, Jefferson Lovers!

The importance of Hispanics in Texas history. I hear that some of your minority members were lobbying, to no avail, for more recognition of the contributions of Hispanics in Texas, particularly in the seventh-grade Texas History curriculum. And here I thought the whole point of seventh-grade Texas History class was to teach kids how those sneaky Mexicans almost stole Texas from the good white people who we'd later end up naming all of our cities after. Sam Houston = Good, Santa Anna = Bad. That's what I got out of it, anyway. That and -- Remember the Alamo! And how fun is that to say???

The internment of Japanese Americans in WWII wasn't racist. Because German and Italian Americans were interned too! It was equal-opportunity imprisoning! Of course, the numbers don't really compare--110,000 Japanese and Japanese Americans were placed into prison camps during WWII as opposed to 2,000 German Americans and several hundred Italian Americans--but hey, that's math, not social studies, right?

Maybe you'll get rid of that next, too? And then you could get rid of "science" and start banning books that don't jibe with your political views and beliefs and then...oh wait. You're already doing that.

May I suggest that the next subject you dispense with then be P.E.? P.E. always kinda sucked because it made you sweat and ruined your hair. And you know how gym teachers, particularly the female ones, have a rep for pursuing an "alternative" lifestyle. We can't have this form of "liberal bias" in our schools, now can we?

your humble graduate,


[photo via Treehugger]