All Heath and Deborah Campbell of Hunterdon County, NJ wanted was a birthday cake for their adorable little Aryan, Adolf Hitler, who turned 3 last week.
But, sadly, they just don't teach cake-writing in white supremacy class anymore. And when the Campbells asked a nearby ShopRite to inscribe "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on a cake, the grocery store refused, as they have with previous Nazi-themed cake-decorating requests from the Campbells. Heath Campbell -- who told the AP that while he was raised "not to mix" with people of other races, he would try to raise his children differently -- maintains his name choice for his son was purely for originality's sake, because "no one else in the world would have that name." And, hey, why should only movie stars like Brangelina and Gwyneth and TomKat get to hoard the wacky children's name spotlight?
The Campbells want their kids to feel special, too, which probably explains why they named their other children, who are under the age of 2, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, a feminized version (or something like that) of Heinrich Himmler.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending for little Adolf Hitler, because Wal-Mart stepped in to save the (birth)day. A Bentonville, AR spokesperson for the megachain-of-discounted goods-delivered-with-a-Jew-excluding-greeting-at-the-door-and-a-union-hating-smile said, "Our No. 1 priority in decorating cakes is to serve the customer to the best of our ability." And then she added, "Let them Nazis eat cake!"*
*She didn't actually say "Let them Nazis eat cake." But everything else in this story is true, swear to white Christ.