OK, so if it's Valentine's Day and the candidates are falling over themselves to court us, then really, where is the love?
Is Cupid merely apolitical?
Things are not looking good for the single girl looking to make a love connection at the levers. First, Hillary unceremoniously dumps her dutiful campaign manager on the eve of VDay. Damn, that's cold, even for the frostiest of icicles. And then in typical power player fashion, Hill downplays the nature of the now-defunct relationship, citing that the pair were never really that serious, anyway. Well, Hill, as a single undecided voter who's growing needier with every red-stuffed Oreo inhaled, at least until Thursday's climax, you ain't currying any favor here.
A message to the candidates: As far as the marginalized singles' voting bloc is concerned, you're all starting to make Dick Cheney look warm and fuzzy.
So I'm asking you, candidates, what have you done for us lately? Put in some meaningful or even quasi-convincing face time with us. Glad-hand at least a few of us on the campaign trail of tears leading up to V-Day. Cry with us at a diner about the likelihood of it "happening for us." Reassure us that under your new economic stimulus plan, otherwise altar-allergic men will warm up to marriage. Seriously, one measly overture to mitigate the utter debasing of this demographic or risk becoming a permanent affront to all panickers -- especially at the polls.
You may not get the gravity of your mea culpa, but you're unambiguously telegraphing to us that -- like all the other invariable letdowns out there -- you don't want to get serious with us. Which means precisely one thing: the single, white girl will get screwed this election year. And not in a good way.
Why haven't I seen any of you jockeying for a plum photo-op with the 20-something single white girl? But shove an Evangelist, Hispanic, Black or baby to the front of the line and take cover or be blinded by frantic flashbulbs. Isn't this the season of total sucking up to anything not nailed down? Yet we still feel invisible in your eyes, unworthy.
Hillary's been courting the luscious ladies of the Chesapeake Bay area pretty good. But where's the charity you show the single white girl? I think I can make you that happy. Headlining at the NCNW (National Conference of Negro Women) is a solid start, but still an overt slap in the face to the NCSPS (National Conference of Self-Pitying Spinsters) when you didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP! Sure, we might be emotionally-unstable voters, but we still know how to pull a lever, however out of practice we might be. Oh, why couldn't Bill Clinton be in the running? At least then I know he'd lavish some attention on the single girls (all of voting age, of course).
It's not like I'm not holding my breath to be singled out during your first State of the Union, where you'd acknowledge my pure embodiment of core American values: my courage and conviction during some pretty hairy blind dates.
Are we that undesirable as a voting bloc? So much so that you simply can't "deal" anymore? Sure, no one's mistaking us for superdelegates, but that doesn't mean we're not superfragile. We're disenfranchised, underrepresented, dispirited.
Together, let us plant the seeds of change. Soccer moms might have shaped the political landscape of 1996, but it's not too late to make 2008 the year of the serially single woman. Marginalize us no more, candidates! This voting bloc might be dateless come Valentine's Day, but we will be heard -- or you might just hemorrhage crucial votes from the biggest voting bloc you've blithely chosen to neglect.
Below, the issues that hit our bottom line:
Issue #1: Show some love to the loveless. We want nothing more than to make a commitment to one of you - but you'll have to earn it first. They say every day of an election year should feel like Valentine's Day, so start cultivating a relationship with us now and by November 4 the love - and votes - will be palpable.
Issue #2: Take a decisive stand on the War on Panic. No longer is it acceptable to bury your heads in the sand. We're in the middle of what historians are calling the worst epidemic of unmarrieds in the country. Are we the underdog in an unwinnable (wedding) war? Perhaps. Is this administration's "Panic surge" strategy working? Well, that's a matter of opinion. Step up to the plate, candidates, and take a swing at this sticky issue.
Issue #3: Cement the "No Panicker Left Behind" Act. Like Obama himself, this bipartisan act is sure to bridge the ideological chasm in Congress.
Issue #4: Issuing Panickers a Driver's License. One of the most charged issues of the year, singles need to know where the candidates stand. Are we forever doomed to second-class citizen status?
Issue #5: The Sub-prime Man Mess. Where are the good guys? Why are all the sub-prime men far from marriage marital? Materialize some worthy guys and we'll materialize a vote for you.
Since it looks like this relationship is decidedly one-sided, consider this is my love letter to you, candidates. You have the key to my vote in hand. If only you knew how to unlock it.
Click here for more Huffington Post Valentine's Day coverage.