08/25/2014 04:08 pm ET Updated Oct 25, 2014

5 Ways to Rekindle Your Marriage

For most of us, we need to take a hard look at our married life and reflect on how to grow passion and energy. In most cases, how to put it back in again. The stresses and strains of life such as career, raising kids and growing older, can deplete us -- or at the very least, distract us from the goal of sustaining an intimate, dynamic connection with our life partner. Then as the months and years go by, we find ourselves struggling with the very person we fell deeply in love with and wonder what to do.

We had the fun of hosting the premier of Sex Tapes in early July. This couple decided to tape themselves in a variety of sexual positions as a way to bring life and energy back into the marriage -- like they used to have when dating and before kids. As you may know, the video was saved to "the cloud" and a myriad of friends came into possession of the prurient and steamy love life they managed to film.

So our recommendations on ways to spice up your marriage don't involve HD videos that may leak to viewers you never intended. We're pretty sure that watching yourselves have sex wouldn't do the trick anyway. So here are some thoughts and ideas that may get you going -- only between you and your lover.

  1. Let down your guard and let each other in again. If you are really disconnected and passion has waned for sometime, defensiveness and anger may well have taken loving connections place. Surrender your toughness and soften up to each other.
  2. Create a "rekindle" attitude. Make reaching out and pursuing each other your priority and being playful and flirtatious as you once were your focus. So many couples have seemingly forgotten how to flirt and inject energy into the relationship -- that once upon a time came so easily.
  3. Identify "passion builders" together that keep positive, exciting energy alive with your lover. Certainly a vibrant sex life helps, but so does positive communication, attention to each other's wants and needs on a daily basis and having fun together with your clothes on. As far as the sex goes, change it up with novelty -- perhaps sex with your socks and hat on, or going out on a date pretending you've never met -- where you go all out in seducing one another.
  4. Construct a calendar that honors the need to keep love and passion alive. Don't let kids or anything interfere with keeping your marriage the number 1 priority and growing and deepening your love life. Get your plan in writing and convert it to a weekly, calendared commitment.
  5. Think of your marriage as a "tepee" where you grow and protect love. Don't let anything or anyone in your tee pee that could get in the way of your sacred connection to each other! Keep your love out of the "cloud."

So if you're bound and determined to film yourselves naked, try these ideas out anyway. These create memories and deepen connections with your lover that end up saved in the cloud -- your brain and heart where they keep love alive, sustain excitement and grow back the love you once had.