12/10/2013 11:57 am ET Updated Feb 09, 2014

When Sex is God

We all worship god. Some kind of god. Our philosophies, the priorities we set, the ways we react to life events, all reflect a surrender to principles and beliefs that drive us. God-driven. Our motivation never takes shape in a vacuum. Rather, it flows out of desires we cultivate over time, that congregate and clamor for attention, like children trying to get us to play games or buy them new toys. What we reach for in life so easily becomes a kind of god.

We yearn for more and more experiences. The kind that take us to new heights, where boredom vanishes like the mist on the ground, evaporating into a heaven where we find a growing excitement for life. But sometimes, our focus becomes static, and even one-dimensional. We begin craving. Not just wanting more. Not just hoping for a more creative life with an array of new events and circumstances that challenge us to live more boldly, lovingly or bravely. But we crave in a narrow way that sets the stage for a god that may soon own us. Spirit, mind and soul. A god that imprisons us, because we can't seem to live beyond its beckoning voice, demanding voice, urgent voice. We want more of this god.

Some call this addiction. When our senses cease to be inspired by human virtues like compassion, fondness and relational connectedness. The most common god in the 21st century, especially for men, is sex. Where porn replaces deep bonding with a spouse. Where images of physical acts overpower the will and demand center stage. Often just a click away. A choice away.

When god ceases to be light and promise, we have been taken hostage. To one thing we feel we can't live without. We can't get enough of. Our spirit shrinks in the face of a never ending pit of need. Need for more god, the sex-god, that usurps our goodness, our capacity to reach for more, our ability to fight for honor, respect and love itself.

Our culture promotes this sex-god. This striving for more blatant images, less intimate sex and sterile pictures of bodies that seem to offer something compelling -- but empty the soul like a dark gravitational pull into darkness and confusion.

When sex is god, we find ourselves pulled away from true, intimate connection with our lover. Replaced by innate, instinctual need that only wants and wants for itself. Doesn't give, and ultimately never receives what the mind and spirit hope for. And desperately need.

So, the real truth about healthy physical bonding and robust sexual experience needs to be clarified and known. Here are a few thoughts.

1. Experiencing healthy intimacy and loving care depend on personal power. The kind of power where we possess our mind and body, without craving. Where we own our choices and haven't surrendered to a god that owns us. How would you measure your own power? Does your life reflect a capacity to choose how you love and wish to be loved? Or have you surrendered to an obsession with sex that keeps you from giving and truly caring for your life partner? Where sex owns you.

Choose today to embrace your own power by choosing to master your sexual feelings and desires. Give them to the one you love. Only to him or her. Not to another person or to an enchanting image on a screen.

2. Your freedom to live a healthy life, honoring your own capacity to love and give, depends on your connection with virtues that soar above base instincts and sexual conquests. In fact, it really depends on your desire to live out a stellar life where you try to make a difference in the lives around you. When sex is god, you can't see the positive road ahead as easily. And sometimes at all. For it blinds the eyes, and keeps you wanting less and less, other than the next fix. Is your life a series of "fixes," or a chosen destiny that embraces forgiveness, wisdom, self-sacrifice and love?

Take back your freedom. Fight for your life and take your power to choose seriously.

3. Porn, other sexual venues and the sex-god push out love. There is no room for a life based on character and goodness when sex, obsessive sex, has its way. It demands its way constantly when the mind and heart keep seeking the next stimulation and not the next inspiration! Sexual experience helps us feel alive. But when sex is god, it crowds out positive, intimate sex. The mind and soul can't experience both. Sexual craving snuffs out sexual giving and care for your lover.

Get rid of porn and any other ways you act out sexually. Make your life partner the only recipient of your sexual love and energy. Probably the greatest gift you can give them.

4. When sex is god, you can't seem to stop. The compulsive acting out, the choices you swore you wouldn't repeat, keep stepping back into your life.

Find a way to stop. Start a healthy journey where your only compulsion is to embrace light, love and compassion.

Whatever you do, start living now. Don't watch for circumstances to change. For guilt to get you to stop. Own your life. You only have one to live, one journey to complete, one fight to win. And remember, the god of love and connection wield swords more powerful than you can imagine. Pick up your sword and live as the hero you were meant to be. The hero you are. And never give up.