09/10/2013 04:52 pm ET Updated Nov 08, 2013

Women and Sex: What They Really Want

Women and sex. More complex than higher math. Full of mystery, beautiful mystery. Like a universe with all kinds of galaxies, known and unknown, inhabited by bright stars that twinkle and light up the sky and sometimes shoot like comets piercing the ambient dark.

Women and sex. Built around the same human needs men possess yet with differences that keep passion fertile and desire alive. Men, most often ready for explosive sex on a moment's notice, find their deepest needs exposed in the barren arms of their female lover. After the clothes fly off. Women, on the other hand, find their deepest needs honored in the protection of a strong man who invades her life with light and sterling strength, long before she lets him come inside.

The "him" she wants deeply exceeds the ordinary. He gets it. That she must be known in the deepest parts of her spirit and soul. Truly known. Loved and valued. Cherished and understood. Where shallow waters stretch into voluminous wells that form billowing streams of personal meaning. Between two naked lovers. Where she feels cared for. Never abandoned.

Good sex -- the kind that satisfies spirit and body, flows from intentional touch. Gripping the body -- first demands attention to the heart where she longs for connection and the safety of a man who knows her, respects her and wants all of her. Not just a desire for sex and physical release.

A "hot" man to her is one who embodies not only passion, but sex skill and an intrinsic or learned capacity to move her in both body and soul and wants to do it. Allows her to be all she can be sandwiched between the covers, wrapped in his arms. With all the smells of raw desire saturating the air, like a powerful mist flowing through a rain forest. A "hot" woman is more than an erotic body but a feminine being who knocks her lover over with girl-passion, sexy touch and a glance that can topples a man's slumber and move him to erection in all his emotions and then his body.

Maybe this sounds a bit idealistic and lofty. But remember, we live in an age that devalues and misunderstands emotional connection and puts body eroticism on a pedestal. Women face this in all the magazines that favor beauty-fantasy and deemphasize erotic sex that starts in the soul. Turns into a very concrete, sometimes valueless model of bodies one on one. Avoids dealing with how we love one another completely, generously with our whole being.

The bottom line? Sex, good to great sex, comes about through a model of eroticism and passion that accounts for more than just body parts and physical release. Looks closely at what men and women truly need to feel deep passion, abundant worth and unpatrolled union. For women, puts body passion second to heart connection. Takes a close look at what goes on inside a women's soul that brings her to emotional arousal and then to orgasmic satisfaction.

But here's the secret. Women also want to be taken assertively and passionately desired as the object of her guy's gaze, focus and penetrating craving for her body. Not taken in a way that removes her choice or forces sex in any way. But taken after her man has left his mark. The mark of deep love and care for her as his soul mate.

Even quickies, "fast food sex", can be invigorating if the groundwork has already been laid for passionate, exciting "take me" genital contact. If the groundwork has been laid. If and only if. That's the key. Men need to specialize in touchy-feely stuff that creates glue with their lover long before everyone gets naked. 24 hours ahead. 48 hours in advance. Days ahead of erotic, strip-me-naked and take-me sex.

Women want men to learn how to get inside. Not wedge their way in. But move smooth as silk. To be heroes of the heart....and then the body. Like penetrating a complex forest, women want men who can find their way past all the uncharted emotions, hesitancies and stress she faces daily. And into the vast meadow where two lovers hold each other with longing and gripping power. Needs a man to get inside her spirit first. Take her to a place where she can relax, feel sexy and find her passion and desire.

The art of getting inside her body isn't getting her drunk. It's inebriating her with tenderness, bouquets, your-the-princess of my life devotion. Where masculine power has been well fed before the thrust inside.

Women and sex.

Maybe not so complex after all.