06/20/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

12 Surprising Facts About Tea Partiers (VIDEO)

After that New York Times poll, you wouldn't think there could be any more surprises in tea party movement.

We know they broadcast their love for the Constitution as fervently as Kristen Stewart's most dedicated stalker declares his passion for her, and displaying almost as much intimate knowledge of their beloved.

At Staples, I actually had a Tea Partisan in a very large straw sun hat inform me that "welfare" appears nowhere in the Constitution. I said it takes some searching but if you manage to slog about thirty words into the Preamble, you do come across the phrase "promote the general Welfare." Assuming this was not bald-faced graft benefiting a presumptuous Colonel Welfare who had a lot of pull with James Madison, these words signal that the Founders foresaw the wisdom of government projects that would help the entire population: postal systems, canals, highways and the like. Had they known medical science was about to take a huge leap beyond leeches and bloodletting, they might have even specified health care. As it is, we can certainly take it as implied... as we do with the Air Force, paper money, Medicare, the Space Telescope, Social Security, and the right to vote.

But even though the Constitution held a few more nasty surprises in store for my Mad-Hatted friend (no "God", "Jesus", "Christ" or "Holy Ghost" either), turnabout is fair play. The Tea Partiers have their own surprises for us - and not the good kind.