09/25/2012 10:08 am ET Updated Nov 25, 2012

Doug's Dozen: 12 More Things That There's No Question in Mitt's Mind About

"There's no question in my mind. We're going to win."
...said Mitt Romney in an interview Monday with NBC News' Peter Alexander.

And if there's one thing that I respect about Romney, it's that firmness, that resolve, that steely implacability.

It doesn't matter what else changes in this inconstant world: Polls, memes, current events, Mitt's moral convictions, the direction of the wind...

None of that matters. On the subject of his inevitable presidency, Mitt is no Etch-a-Sketch.

And I've discovered there are more things on which his opinion is equally unshakable:

Doug's Dozen: 12 More Things That There's No Question in Mitt's Mind About

1) If you smell smoke on a jet, you should break out a window.

2) Paul Ryan is the fastest man alive.

3) If you don't want to be poor, be responsible enough to pick rich parents.

4) The best health insurance plan is to live next door to an E.R.

5) Dogs love crapping themselves.

6) Latinos respect a well-applied tan.

7) Anybody who makes under $26,000 would have to be crazy to vote for Mitt Romney.

8) When you visit a foreign country, you must insult them so they know you're no pushover.

9) The secret to success is to build a company that fills a need...or better yet, to buy that company, sell off its assets and fire everyone.

10) The truest test of a young man's character is how slowly he sells off the stock in his trust fund.

11) When a mob gathers at your embassy, the best move is to piss them off.

12) There's only one thing Mitt Romney can say that would surely lose him this election: "Here are the rest of my tax returns."

See more Doug's Dozen lists at

And watch Doug"s Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.

Read's Doug's comic novel, Memoirs of a Time Traveler,

Now available on Kindle.

...or in paperback..

"You couldn't ask for a finer guide to the future - or the past - than Doug Molitor. Having so thoroughly enjoyed his 'Memoirs of a Time Traveler,' the next book I read is, without a doubt going to be his 'Memoirs of a Time Traveler' again."
-- Larry Gelbart (A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, TV's M*A*S*H, Tootsie.)