THE BLOG
10/06/2014 08:50 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2014

Doug's Dozen: 12 Better Names for the Flatulence Deodorizing Pad

Oh, thank God! Never mind that device that keeps people from reclining their seat on a flight and starts a fight and gets you diverted to some other destination.

I just saw on Amazon the invention that is going to save the airline industry:

The Flatulence Deodorizing Pad.

This blessed miracle product promises to banish the miseries and embarrassments of long plane rides belted in beside strangers, or for that matter, a first date to go see Les Miz, after she talked you into trying the bean salad.

Unfortunately, "Flatulence Deodorizing Pad" just is not a catchy name, and if there is one product you definitely want to catch on, it is this one.

So as a public service, here's...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Better Names for the Flatulence Deodorizing Pad

1. The Cheese Cutter

2. The Ass-Fix-Iator

3. Save-My-Seat!

4. Toot Sweet

5. Rosy Cheeks

6. Poison Control Center

7. Cease & Desist, Odor!

8. Chesterfield Filters

9. Sit 'n' Breathe

10. Blast Assist

11. Fart-Away

and what I think is the odds-on favorite...

12. I Can't Believe It's Butt-Air

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Read's Doug's comic novel, Memoirs of a Time Traveler,

Now available on Kindle.

...or in paperback..