03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

What's Happiness Got To Do With It .. Women, Life and Pleasure? Try the Tantric Approach!

The illusiveness of happiness! What a rat race to find it
and then if you were lucky to get it how do you keep it? Marcus
research and findings in HuffPost based on his paper "The Paradox of
Declining Female Happiness" inspired me to reflect on my own progression
in life to happiness and on the happiness of the hundreds of women I have
worked with over the past 10 years as an intimacy and relationship coach.

What’s happiness anyway? The older
I have grown the happier I have become. And that does not just have to do with
that I now own a business, making a difference in the lives of women and men, and
being in the most inspiring relationship with my Beloved and business partner. That’s
rather a result of something else.

After all happiness is a state of
being! And how did I arrive at that state of being? For me this occurred
through two major life experiences that awoke me to that state: One experience
had to do with “accepting “what is” at the present moment and declaring that I am happy which I learned through Buddhist meditation at Thich
Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village. That
philosophy is totally in line with what Buckingham indentifies in his findings:
“The women who could answer positively to the questions [regarding
happiness] …, simply decided that they were going to be happy. They made that

The other experience had to do with “weaving” or Tantra. What did I
learn about weaving? It was about reintegrating my feminine with my masculine
or the yin with the yang that is frequently out of balance for women living in this
time and age. Most of us have learned to develop our masculine side that is
required to compete and make it in the world. Great capacity to have! However,
if my feminine got dwarfed because of the dominant orientation towards
achieving in the worldly dimension I am just not whole any longer.

Here is what says
about the feminine and masculine:”According to the philosophy of Tantra, the
entire universe is a manifestation of pure consciousness. In manifesting the
universe, this pure consciousness seems to become divided into two poles or
aspects, neither of which can exist without the other.

One aspect, Shiva, is masculine, retains a static quality and remains
identified with unmanifested consciousness. Shiva has the power to be but not
the power to become or change. The other aspect, Shakti, is feminine, dynamic,
energetic and creative. Shakti is the Great Mother of the universe, for it is
from her that all form is born.

According to Tantra, the human being is a miniature universe. All that is found
in the cosmos can be found within each individual, and the same principles that
apply to the universe apply in the case of the individual being.”

The aspects of feminine and masculine show up in women just
as they do in men. However, they are not merely to be considered as gender
qualifications. To illuminate the principles further take a look at this chart
and locate yourself on the right or left or in between in various areas of your life: family,
intimate relationship, work and career, body, hobbies, etc:



Creative focus

Creative flow

Purposeful presence

Open & connected

Desire for truth

Desire for sourcing and sustaining

Oriented towards vision &

Oriented towards love and care

In one’s mind & focused                   

In one’s emotions & flow

Emotion of compassion

Emotion of trust & gratitude

Looking at life from the outside

Looking at things from within

Fear of failure in life

Fear of rejection & loss of

Work before intimacy

Intimacy before work





Integrating the feminine with the masculine, the spiritual
with the sensuous, the body with the soul, the giving with the receiving wholeness
shows up. Experiencing wholeness is the source of feeling pleasure, joy and
yes, HAPPINESS!!! It’s up to each woman to return to that wholeness. The
tantric practice provides a guide to that wholeness as shown by transformative
shifts in many women who have worked with me here at TantraNova

Looking forward to your comments and thoughts abut this
topic of happiness! See the comments section below.

To learn more about my work with
women go to Women"s
Retreats at TantraNova