In 2006, I would have never believed that I would ever have the strength to stand up again. The bedroom floor had become the go-to place for grief. (I've found that other people prefer the tile of the bathroom floor, but I'm averse to anything cold. Rough carpet was my thing.)
I found out that my ex was moving on. To the altar. Quickly. Hence, the fetal position on the floor.
Of course, there are far more devastating things than a breakup. However, everything is a matter of perspective and at the time it was the worst thing that could have happened... or so I thought.
I could go into all the ways I once thought I had been wronged, but that would be wallowing. Besides, this isn't about him. It's about my growth.
As it turns out, that event was just what I needed. Sure, it threw me off balance for a couple of months, but in hindsight, I wasn't on the right track anyway.
The turn of events was abrupt to say the least. But as far as I'm aware, there is no way to slowly crack an egg. One moment it's intact and in the next, it's not.
I was not.
What I couldn't see was that in the moment my shell was broken, I had the opportunity to occupy a much larger space. Up until that point, I had been living in restricted territory. My vision for the future never included an expanded version of myself. It only held a status quo vision of us.
The finality of things was the gift of release. What initially felt like unraveling would soon turn to a conscious unfolding of more of who I was. The breakup was just a catalyst.
Note: This isn't to say that you can't evolve while in a relationship. You most certainly can. But in a less than optimal match-up, it's like wearing the wrong shoe size. It hurts to walk in them so you end up sitting down. You decide to restrict your own movement for the sake of comfort-more accurately, for the sake of avoiding pain. There's a difference.
In this situation, I was being released to become all that I could become-all that I couldn't be, at that time, in that space, with him.
In retrospect, being curled up in fetal position makes perfect sense. When you find yourself in that protective posture, it may very well be that you are about to experience a rebirth. It's just an incubation period before your emergence.
Breakups are some of the best things that could ever happen to you.
From this moment on, this one will be known as the:
Best. Breakup. Ever.