There are some things you can't share with strangers. But since we're friends, I wanted to let you in on a little known fact concerning my sex life. It's a strange thing, but not in a urinate-on-you kind of strange. It's better described as peculiar. Nevertheless, I am going to share my secret, so here we go....
Wait for it....
My husband and I didn't have sex before we got married.
Now, let's clear the air. I am not asexual. I am not ugly. I don't have body odor. And I am not a weirdo. (Feel free to insert any other fatal flaws that you can conjure up -- they probably won't apply.)
To clarify, I don't trim my nose hairs and I don't have a beard (please see bio photo.) I am a "normal," smart, pretty, funny person with a lot to offer. So, it wasn't like I paid my husband to date me. And I didn't offer him stock to compensate for the fact that he wasn't getting any action. Our decision to hold out for sex was mutual and actually something we worked towards together. We decided to wait for marriage to have sex for several reasons.
You should know that I am not in an arranged marriage nor do I belong to a cult. And for the record, I was not pressured by church leaders to reach this conclusion. I made a conscious decision -- as an adult -- to practice celibacy as I waited on "the one".
I had previously been in relationships involving sex and following a string of mostly bad relationships, I was tired of approaching dating as usual.
After a broken heart and being on the verge of slashing a few tires, I was exhausted. So, I took a step back to evaluate. The outcome of that process was the decision to be celibate. During my celibacy journey, I carefully weeded out people who I knew I couldn't have a lasting relationship with. I also rejected one night stands, hook ups and the like. I only entertained advances from people who were a potential suitor for marriage. And I openly shared my commitment to wait for marriage for sex. Once I made the choice to pursue celibacy, I grew in my Christian faith and it only reinforced my decision.
When I began dating my now-husband, I wasn't sure how he would handle it, but he was on board, so together we waited to be sexually intimate. Was it hard? Absolutely. Was it possible? Absolutely. I'm grateful for our experience and it taught me about being true to yourself and holding fast to what you believe in. It was worthwhile because we walked that journey together and our marriage is better because of it.
So, allow me to dispel the final myth: You really don't have to try it before you buy it. Contrary to popular belief, you don't necessarily have to see the preview in order to enjoy a good movie. Sometimes, it's ok to walk in eyes wide open and go along for the ride -- literally. We live in a world where we are inundated with images and references to sex and one where sexual freedom is celebrated. In my previous relationships, I always felt compelled to have sex. Not solely because I wanted to, but at least in part, because I felt obligated to. So, not doing it actually felt liberating. I was free in a different way and this was empowering. I appreciated my experience and in case you are wondering... our sex life rocks these days! Thank you very much.