05/10/2007 04:47 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Get Your Styles On!

If we here at Eat The Press didn't enshrine the gloriousness of the New York Times Thursday Styles on these pages, who would? The Newseum? Well...maybe for another $5 million--Arthur Sulzberger, Jr.! This week, grannies, nannies, packs for fannies, clavicle crannies, and Kate Moss--for whom the word "fanny" has an entirely different meaning!

The Incredible Flying Granny Nanny
Jennifer Eight Lee profiles the lives of grandparents who travel across the country to take care of their grandchildren, because This Is The Way We Live Now(TM). Andrew Cherlin, sociologist, says: "To me, grandparents are like the family National Guard." See: that's the kind of loose talk that could lead to the White House opting to combine the next troop surge with Social Security reform.

Faster Fashion, Cheaper Chic
Retailer Forever 21 receives some well-earned credit for the alarming speed by which they infantilize women with "puff-sleeve hoodies sprinkled with tiny hearts."

It's Her World, We're Just Buying It
Kate Moss' Topshop-to-Barney's design launch engenders all sorts of reactions from shoppers. "She is very desirable, even after her drug scandal. I just don't understand that. She's supposed to be a role model for young children, so I'm shocked that so many people still stand behind her." Uhm...okay: then what are you doing standing in line for her frockage? "Personally, I forgave her, but I thought I was the exception." Oh, well, way to go, enabler!

The Collarbone's Connected to Slimness
"As the rest of women's bodies recede in spring fashions, the clavicles, or collarbones, and the upper chest between them, is rising to prominence." On behalf of America, let us add: "Ewwwww."

Take Me to Your Designer
Before Phillipe Starck decided to design "harmonious" spacewear for the future customers of Virgin Galactic, he had an altogether different idea as to how people should travel in space: " of his original proposals was for future space explorers to travel naked." Yikes! PLEASE lower your traytables!

The Woman No Hat Could Tame

Isabella Blow remembered as an endless string of escalating sartorial mishaps.

A New Attitude for the Hip
"This season...a host of young designers are giving the fanny pack a little dignity, thanks to chic new shapes and some proper styling." There: you have all been warned.