03/08/2013 04:03 pm ET Updated May 08, 2013

Top 10 Things to Do in Iceland if the Government Bans Internet Porn

Learning that Iceland is trying to ban internet porn, TV host Stephen Colbert recently joked that there is now nothing to do in Iceland. Well, for the sex-starved residents of the wind-scarred island located in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, here are 10 alternatives to Internet porn once wanking in front of your computer screen is forbidden.

  1. Step out into the Reykjavik nightlife and get your buzz on at Kaffibarinn. After a few beers, vodka & Red Bulls and shots of Brennivín you'll have the requisite liquid courage to chat up the Nordic beauties frequenting Reykjavik's hippest pub.
  2. Eat rams' testicles. It's not the same thing, but with enough vodka they taste like chicken.
  3. Just about every Icelander is also a filmmaker. So enroll at The Reykjavik Film Academy, and after the six-week session you can make your own porno.
  4. Head to a strip bar. Wait. Iceland's Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurdardóttir already banned gentlemen's clubs.
  5. Listen to the cult band Sigur Rós. Halfway through one of the melodic band's glacially slow albums, your sex-drive will cease, and you'll fall asleep like a baby.
  6. Read all 13 crime novels by Arnaldur Indridason.
  7. Attempt to learn Icelandic. After 20 minutes of studying Icelandic grammar you'll have a headache and no longer be in the mood for sex.
  8. Sign up to sail with Kristján Loftsson on his whaling fleet Hvalur. A day spent at sea hunting minke whales for "scientific purposes" will so gross you out you'll never want to have intercourse again.
  9. Eat out at Thrir Frakkar where you can dine on minke whale served by the popular fish restaurant for "scientific purposes."
  10. Become a sheep farmer. In Iceland, sheep outnumber people. You do the math.