01/24/2012 08:31 am ET Updated Mar 24, 2012

El Chanclaso: Two Sinking Ships

God played a cruel joke on Governor Rick Perry. Not only did he tell Perry to run for President, he woefully underprepared Perry for the presidential debates, led Perry to run a terrible campaign, and failed to educate Perry on basic American institutions. All kidding aside, I'm giving Governor Perry muchos chanclasos for running the most divisive ad this election cycle. I definitely don't want any part in Perry's version of America, nor do conservatives, as they decisively rejected his far-right agenda in Iowa and New Hampshire. The numbers weren't looking good in South Carolina either. Perry saw the writing on the wall and called it quits earlier this week. That was the best news I got all week.

I'm giving a chanclaso to Capt. Francesco Schettino for abandoning his ship, the Costa Corcordia, as it was sinking off the coast of Italy. A ship's captain is responsible for maintaining calm and should always wait for all of his passengers to be safely removed from the ship before departing. Even after a very heated exchange with the Coast Guard, in which the Coast Guard demanded Schettino to return the boat, he cowardly refused to go back on the boat, arguing that it was "too dark" to see anything. Cobarde!

Aplausos :

American Horror Story has been my favorite new TV show this year and I've being singing its praises to anyone who would listen. I want to give the Golden Globes aplausos for recognizing Jessica Lange's work with a Golden Globe. Lange's acting is so flawless, so perfect, that any aspiring actor/actress should take note. I'm sending aplausos to the writers of American Horror Story, too.
For many Latinos, a chancla is more than summer footwear. The flip flops on our mothers' feet were also impromptu and easily accessed weapons. Back talk, ignoring orders or fighting with your siblings could, without warning, result in a chancla on the rear end or, if distance was a factor, flying at you.

Now we're all grown up. But some people still deserve chanclasos. And we're going to let them have it here in our weekly column, El Chanclaso. Every Friday, Sergio, our resident chancludo, will turn a critical eye on political shenanigans, and current issues and events with his chancla firmly in hand. Depending on the severity of the misbehavior, being on the wrong end of the chancla could get you one or two chanclasos. Sergio will also give aplausos to those who make us proud.You've been warned. Now, behave!

Read more Chanclasos here.

Sergio Lopez hails from the great city of San Antonio and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He thanks his mother for judiciously using her chancla to set him straight.