As reporters gathered Monday in the press room of the White House's new Ministry of Truth Mega-Plex, they were treated to a most unique event. Before them, in full HD and 7.1 Surround Sound, appeared the legendary Civil Rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. who entered the room to much the same reaction that hologram Tupac received at the Coachella music festival.
After a rousing laser light introduction, Hologram Martin L. King appeared on stage alongside Mahatma Gandhi, Yoda, and a break dancing Jesus. Their goal: to garner increased support for the administration's controversial drone policies. Unmanned drone strikes have ballooned under the Obama administration and a recently released memo "outlined the Obama administration's decision to kill al-Qaeda suspects without evidence that specific and imminent plots were being planned against the U.S." The policy has been expanded to include U.S. citizens. While many believe that this change in policy looks to make indefensible war crimes routine, the administration defends the policy's legalities and ethics.
President Obama has made no secret of his admiration for the uncompromising work of Reverend King. Flesh-and-blood King dedicated his life to battling racial inequality and believed that how one goes about pursuing an objective was inexorably forged to the objective itself. The President, however, insisted that King would still have undoubtedly supported the Obama administration policy on drone strikes.
To prove this, the president referenced the following MLK quote, which he claimed was "obviously ironic" as he introduced King's digital counterpart:
...men and nations must embrace the nonviolent affirmation that ends and means must cohere...But we will never have peace in the world until men everywhere recognize that ends are not cut off from means, because the ends represent the ideal in the making, and the end in process, and ultimately you can't reach good ends through evil means, because the means represent the seed and the end represents the tree.
During the press conference, each hologram stepped on stage and unequivocally endorsed the use of unfettered drone strikes, and then they all popped and locked their way off stage as slack-jawed reporters applauded wildly.
Your handsome and humble servant-