08/29/2013 04:06 pm ET Updated Oct 29, 2013

Syrians, Egyptians Begin Twerking to Get Americans' Attention


The inevitability of a U.S. military strike in Syria continues to gain momentum after allegations that Syria's President Bashar Al-Assad used chemical weapons against civilians.

After a recent military coup, several brutal mass killings of Egyptian civilians have left the country in a terribly fractured and tumultuous state.

The turmoil that has engulfed Egypt and Syria in recent weeks is similar, experts argue, to the chaos unleashed on viewers during last week's MTV Video Music awards when former child star Miley Cyrus gyrated, off-rhythm on the crotch of who one can only guess was a lost, off-duty NFL referee. All the while, the sounds of a dying rodent were -- through some futuristic technology -- transmitted from her throat. Since her musical performance, every major news network has provided outstanding, detailed, and extensive coverage. One can only imagine the toll this has taken on news sites after having to scramble to give readers a comprehensive history of "Twerking" just moments after the end of the show. Thankfully, ABC News stepped up and quickly provided a scientific explanation of twerking and CNN readers were blessed with a keen historical analysis of Miley Cyrus's fashion evolution from Disney Channel child star to a sexualized, post-apocalyptic, meth-addict baby giraffe. Reporters have been undaunted in reporting rumors and speculation surrounding the jarring events of that night.

In a shrewd move, Syrian and Egyptian civilians have chosen to start twerking in the streets during any brutal acts of violence perpetrated against them. Citizens in both countries have chosen this course of action to court the attention of the American media, but fear that unless they release a sex tape or accidentally show some side boob during such an event, their efforts will be all for naught.

Your handsome and humble servant,
El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things Latino. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.