09/09/2013 03:06 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

8 Reasons Why Texas Isn't Ready to Secede

Well, it's that time of year, Texas. Time for us to have the secession talk again. Recently, Texas railroad Commissioner Barry Smitherman said he would like to prepare the state for independence in an interview with World Net Daily:

"...I think we want to continue down that path so that if the rest of the country falls apart, Texas can operate as a stand-alone entity...This was one of my goals at the Utility Commission and it is one my goals currently as chairman of the Railroad Commission. That's why I stress so vehemently oil and gas production, permitting turnaround times, and everything that enables the industry to produce as much as it can, as quickly as it can."

It's also worth mentioning that Mr. Smitherman is a candidate for Texas Attorney General. Yikes. Look, I know you don't care what any non-Texans think about anything, but as a native Texan, I hope you will listen to me when I say: Don't secede. Not yet. Seriously, you may do okay for a few years, but in the end, you will fail. Spectacularly. To the point even Mexico will say: "Thank god we aren't Texas." This would be coming from the country that celebrates if an hour passes without a cartel decapitating a dozen people.

The fact is, you're just not ready for secession and here are eight reasons why:

8. You're running out of the drugs necessary for the state's most beloved pastime: executions.

7.You're also running out of water...

6. You keep electing Louie Gohmert.

5. It's illegal.

4. Seriously, why do you keep electing Louie Gohmert?

3. You depend on Yankee money more than you think.

2. Your law enforcement agencies can't slow the ever-increasing rate of chainsaw massacres.

1. You seceded before. It didn't work.