If you're thinking about getting a divorce, or if you are going through one, or if -- like me -- you've been divorced for some time, you might think of it as a tragic life event. Death, even.
You probably never thought this would happen. Certainly it was the last thing on your mind when you were saying yes to the dress, choosing a band, and mapping out seating charts. Your happily-ever-after came to a screeching halt in the offices of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, and your mother is telling you she told you so. How did I get here, you're asking yourself.
If you're a man, you probably want to look for a newer model -- if only you could lose a few pounds and buy a sports car -- and if you're a woman, you're scared that you will spend the rest of your life in the company of other women, complaining about men.
You're probably eating ice cream, and you're definitely not happy.
Hold on. Not so fast. Back up a second. Your happily-ever-after didn't end in divorce court. It ended in your marriage, while you were married. Remember that feeling of despair you felt as you fought with your life partner over money/kids/sex/dishes? Yeah, that was a crappy feeling.
So, when you're down about your failed marriage, take solace in these points about why it's good to be divorced:
- Quiet: The fighting has stopped. The tension is gone. Okay, sure many divorced couples must stay in contact because of their children, but the everyday, day-in-day-out discord is over. No one is harping, nagging, whining, or yelling at you on a daily basis.
- Toothpaste: All those irritating invasions of your living space have disappeared. The toothpaste is now squeezed just as you like it, the cap is securely on the tube. The toilet seat is up or down, depending on your mood, and you can watch whatever you like on TV.
- Homecoming: The friends you rarely saw because you were part of a couple are suddenly back in your life. You reminisce with them about life before you got married, and presto chango, just like that you are ten years younger.
- Sex: Yes, you have to buy condoms again, but the world is your oyster. You are free to sleep with someone who hasn't built up years of resentments against you.
- Star Trek: Now's your moment to go where no man has gone before. Or at least go where you haven't gone before, and that's into your future. Yes, it's not the future you planned, but sometimes the detours take us on the best journeys.
Out with the old, in with the new. When one door closes, another opens. When at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Okay, maybe not the last one, but you get the picture. There's a certain joy in living, and now that you're not in a dying relationship, you're free to experience that joy. As my Auntie Mame used to say, "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death." Eat up.