THE BLOG
08/12/2014 01:37 pm ET Updated Oct 12, 2014

The 6 Networking Mistakes We Women Make

John Lund via Getty Images

By Sallie Krawcheck

Networking has been cited as the number one unwritten rule of success in business. It is a good part of what begins to separate the pretty successful from the very successful on the second leg of your career ... and beyond.

Here are the mistakes I've seen us women (men too, but mostly women) make:

You're not. Meaning you're not networking. This is particularly true in your 30s. Life is busy, after all. Maybe you're with a spouse or partner, you have kids, the job is consuming, you're trying to keep up with friends. I get it. Believe me, I get it. But their network is one of key reasons the guys are moving past you at work.

You approach it half-heartedly because you sort of view networking as cheating. I honestly can't tell you how many women have told me this, particularly younger women. They feel like they should be able to make it "on their own merits" rather than also through whom they know.

I wonder if this was the lesson we took away from those all of the fairy tales fed to us as little girls. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White ... do the right thing, keep quiet and your prince will come, often aided by a fairy godmother.

Newsflash: there are few HR fairy godmothers. Please network.

You're concentrating your networking in your own company. This is important, but too limiting. How else are you going to get a view of the competitive landscape, the emerging start-ups, the talented young people looking for jobs, the open advisory council positions if you don't have outside connections?

When I was "restructured out" of Bank of America, many of my colleagues told me they wanted to stay in touch. I am certain they meant it. But people move on, as they should. My holiday card volume from those former colleagues was down about 95 percent that year. But my external network sprung into action, unasked, presenting me with new opportunities.

I can guess what you're thinking. But I promise you, I didn't think I'd be "restructured out" either. It happens; in fact, it increasingly happens, and if you only have an internal network, you've got a big problem.

You're "making friends" rather than connections. Friends are great. We all need friends. But research shows that your next business opportunity is much more likely to come from a loose connection than a close connection. But only if you have a lot of loose connections. If you're trying to make everyone your friend, the opportunity cost of not building a more substantial network is pretty high.

Along these lines, beware over-sharing. Almost always a mistake.

You're asking random people on LinkedIn to connect with you. Maybe a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend got a great job on LinkedIn through a random request to connect. But this is a pretty low-return undertaking. Please spend your time on something else.

You're asking FROM your network before giving TO your network. I can always tell when this is coming. It's typically right after someone says "We women don't do enough for each other..." and then comes the request ... usually a pretty big one ... from someone I just met. You really have to plant the seeds and invest in your network before you can take from it.

In My Two Very Simple Rules for Networking, I wrote about the investment I make in networking: I try to meet one new person in my area of interest every month, or significantly deepen a relationship. And I do something nice for someone in my network every week. Once those investments have been made, there is a return on that investment (though not on every relationship and not all the time), but there can be a real lag.

Full disclosure: As a "recovering research analyst," I have found the research around the power of connections to be compelling. And I have found the research on the power of women and diversity to positively impact businesses even more compelling. So compelling, in fact, that I bought -- and continue to invest in -- the global woman's network Ellevate, as a means of having an impact on this front. In my view, this really matters.

This article was originally featured on LinkedIn.