10/15/2014 10:42 am ET Updated Dec 15, 2014

Helping Love Grow, One Click at a Time


With all that surfaces during online dating, it can become a vehicle for evolving our self-love and compassion for others. Reflecting on and transforming our long-held beliefs; releasing feelings of shame and blame; and cultivating new communication skills can be an intentional part of the process.

After reading my last post, Kali, a young friend, emailed me. "Your writing is really helping me to work through a lot of places where I am stuck and didn't even realize," she wrote. "I feel you are teaching me the words and the ways to navigate my journey towards being more whole." In referencing the integration and self-acceptance encouraged in my blog, she playfully renamed it: "Helping Love Grow One Click at a Time."

A year ago, I'd considered working with young women. Unable to decide what form that would take, I put the idea on the back burner and focused on writing. I imagined my readers would be over 50 and was surprised at the number of 30-40-year-olds who were inspired. Perhaps my work with young women is leading by example.

Another young friend, Denice, called from southern California. We'd met some years ago and bonded during an online course, "Feminine Power," taught by Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit. She wanted to share an experience that occurred on the streets of LA soon after reading the same blog, I'd aligned my writing with the overall theme of reflection, forgiveness and completion at the center of the Jewish high holy days.

On the eve of Rosh Hashanah I asked my inner wisdom who or what needed to be forgiven in order to complete the past. I was guided to witness an amazing incident involving an unknown woman driver. She had exited her car with her fanny pack hanging by a thread from her silk pants. She lamented aloud, "I'm stuck. I'm stuck." I, too, had felt stuck; not attracted to any of the men who were messaging me online. Through observing and reflecting, I was able to get in touch with some residual anger and release it.

Denice spoke of two unusual attention-getting incidents of her own. She'd been re-reading Katherine's book, Calling in the One. The chapter she was studying was on completing the past. Unbeknownst to us, our inquiries had been the same. While reflecting on past relationships, she was also paying close attention to what was occurring in her life.

She described her recent experience on the streets of LA as being similar to a movie. "I was driving down the street," Denice began,

I saw an old flame stuck in his old ways, and thought, hmmm, that's weird and considered brushing it off as a coincidence. Hours later, driving in another part of town, I saw another old flame stuck in his old ways, and realized a message was trying to reach me. The question: what was the message? So I came to you, knowing that on the heels of the divine intervention you had recently received, your wisdom would bring clarity.

She had purged herself of both toxic relationships but, wondered if seeing the men again, hours apart, might mean she had more to forgive. Only she could know the answer to this. But, as she'd asked for my insight, I shared a thought. "You seemed to be repulsed in watching the men's behavior. This might be Life's way of showing that you've graduated."

She felt the truth of this in her body. I knew well the feeling of another's words reverberating through my body. I was reminded of how our mutual teacher had once said to me, "while you trust yourself when alone, you have yet to earn your trust in relationship."

If chronicling my online dating process, both inner and outer, can be of value to those who walk beside me, I will be content. My personal outcome will be of (almost) no concern to me. This meandering journey towards finding a life partner in my sixties will be worth every step of the way.