07/21/2014 12:04 pm ET Updated Sep 20, 2014

Recipe For When Someone Is Allergic To Your Face

A mystery is afoot: something keeps derailing your conversations with so-and-so. You hear yourself say nice, normal words, but somewhere between your mouth and so-and-so's ears a nefarious switch occurs that causes her/him to react as if you're wearing puppies.

The mystery itself is pretty simple. Here's a recipe for how to handle the fruits of your sleuthing.

Recipe Yield: Discomfort Reduction

Recipe Ingredients:

1 Person who reacts badly to everything you say
1 step back
2 cups shock absorbers
1 cup detachment
2 tbs. personal responsibility
1 tsp. sage (wisdom)

Recipe Procedure:

Begin by taking a step back, adding shock absorbers for ego protection as you look at this situation head on: you're dealing with someone who is allergic to your face. Sigh. Maybe you remind them of their mean older sister. Maybe they hate teeth and you smile a lot. The particular "why" is erroneous; the reason they're acting like they don't like you is because they don't like you.

Diffuse feelings of self-pity and discomfort by adding personal responsibility. Own that this situation is annoying as fuck... for you. You didn't do anything to deserve this person's dislike except exist, yet now you're stuck dealing with their stink. Focusing on your own annoyance may at first seem unhelpful, but owning that you also don't like how this person is acting will guard you against feeling victimized.

Add sage wisdom. Here's a throw pillow from the couch of good sense: not everyone can like you, and it's okay. Give it a good squeeze. Even though it's awkward, it will make things more comfortable.

If feelings of rejection and disappointment arise, detach to taste. Liking and disliking isn't about deserts; it's not your job to make people like you, and you don't get a demerit when they don't. They may be one person or they may be the world; either way, you can't convince them to be different, so don't waste your time trying. Instead, spend that energy looking out for yourself and trying to avoid people who treat you in ways you don't like.

Serve by enjoying feelings of emotional liberation and restored positivity.