It is 7:27 p.m. on Wednesday. I have spent the past three hours trying to write a blog post. Maybe the fact that I am also home alone watching a Criminal Minds episode about Satan worship contributes to my distraction. The noises I keep hearing noises down the hall that are probably just typical old building noises, but still make me paranoid probably contribute a little. But I think it's mostly the fact that no matter what I write, I will consider it to be stupid, and judge myself, and be judged by the Internet.
They tell me to blog for myself. Write what you're feeling and about what's going on in your life. But isn't that what my diary is for? I don't think anyone else is really all that interested in how I feel about the state of my toenails or how much I want to wear shorts despite the fact that the weather isn't permitting. Sure, I could write those things, but what's the point? Doesn't there need to be a point? The answer is no, if everything had a point the world would make sense, but it doesn't and blogging doesn't have to either.
There are some people out there that are really good at blogging. Boy, do I wish that I could consider myself to be one of them. The problem here is that every time I sit down to blog I expect what I write to be the equivalent of the next great American novel in 500 to 750 words, and if I settle for anything else I regret it for months afterwards. I have never considered a blog post of mine to be well done. It's not like I have that many to choose from, but there's a reason for that.
A friend of mine told me something 15 minutes ago that has made writing this a little bit easier. She said, "Who cares? You will be judged your whole life." I guess I haven't thought about that before. I mean, I know other people do judge me, and that I judge myself. And we will all judge me until the world forgets me. I will take part in that, and there is about as much that I can do to stop you from judging me as there is to stop me from judging me.
It is currently 7:41 p.m. I am still watching Criminal Minds except now I have no idea what is happening. I stopped hearing creepy noises down the hallway. I am going to start blogging a little more, and judging what I have to say a little bit less.