Marriage is far from easy and we all get ticked off. But do we calmly talk it out like adults? Only sometimes.
Below, married writers share the hilarious, slightly petty things they do when they’re annoyed at their husbands but pretending all is well on the homefront.
1. “My husband can usually say goodbye to our comforter when I’m annoyed. The negotiations are over and he isn’t getting the blanket back. Good luck to you, sir, and goodnight.” ― Stella G. Maddox, author of A Thousand Tiny Cracks
2. “Basically, everything I say after the annoying incident becomes a question. Hubby: What’s for dinner? Me: I don’t know, what’s for dinner? Also, the things I usually do, like the laundry, scheduling appointments and even changing the toilet paper roll don’t get done. It all sits until further notice.” ― Jenny Triplett, author of Surviving Marriage: In the 21st Century
3. “While he’s off at work I’ll sneak an episode or two of our current TV series without him. Bam! Oh, and I also might walk an extra 5k steps and avoid checking in with our Fitbit challenge all day so there’s no way he can catch up with me by evening. That feels good.” ― Katie Hall, blogger at Can I Get Another Bottle Of Whine
4. “I wear my Christmas flannel pajamas. I think they’re festive, he thinks they’re obnoxious, especially in the off-season like June or July. (This may require adjusting the thermostat to an accommodatingly chilly atmosphere.)” ― Leslie Blanchard, blogger at A Ginger Snapped
5. “My husband knows I can’t stand when he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. He’ll ask if I’m mad while I’m running in circles picking up his sh**t, and I respond in the most sincere, sweet way, ‘What would make you think that?’” ― Shea Curry, blogger at Shameless Mama
6. “When I’m annoyed with my husband, I don’t cook. Of course, there’s no reason to punish myself, so I order our favorite take-out…just for me. When he sees me eating, I say, ‘Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure what you wanted, but if you’re hungry, I’m sure there are some old leftovers in the fridge.’ What I’m really saying is: You get scraps because you’re in the dog house!” ― Andrea Tate, writer and director
7. “If I am nodding yes in agreement but have a nasty, passive-aggressive, Stepford Wives-like half smile on my face while you’re talking, you’re screwed.” ― Jodi Meltzer, blogger at Mommy Dish
8. “Unlike some women who might just do the regular ‘withholding of sex,’ I make sure that I’m naked way more often than normal and then I withhold the sex. I know Dr. Ruth would say never to do something like that, but who is she kidding? Watching my husband squirm (like literally) and hearing all those heavy sighs is priceless.” ― Amanda Fox Raynor, blogger at The Fur Files
9. “My husband knows my signals pretty well. He picks up when I’m upset or angry faster than I do. He’ll ask me if anything’s wrong and I’ll grit my teeth into a smile and say ‘nothing.’ He’ll smile back and say, ‘I’ll wait for you to catch up.’” ― Peggy Nolan, author of Inspiration for a Woman’s Soul: Choosing Happiness
10. “I slam doors. My husband will ask if I’m mad and I’ll say, ‘I’m not mad. What makes you think that?’ SLAM!” ― Deva Dalporto, vlogger at My Life Suckers
11. “My husband knows there might be something up when I start cleaning everything in sight. He says I look like a whirlwind, going from room to room. He also knows I’m angry when my tone suddenly gets very polite. He says when I start referencing him as if I were the Queen of England, he knows he’s in big trouble!” ― Shawna Wingert, blogger at Not The Former Things