We meet someone special and we radiate joy. We can't help it -- the prospect of a brand new relationship leaves us brimming with excitement. Yet we hesitate, We don't want to waste time and energy on the wrong person. But are they the wrong person... or just the right person for us? We want to know one thing: are they the one?
With careful introspection and a few, honest questions, you can predict the likelihood of your romantic success as well as your partner's predestined role in your life. Reflect on these twelve inquiries to determine the compatibility, quality, and durability of your love:
1. What does your future look like? Can you imagine building together? Can you see yourself growing old with this person? If your partner possesses serious character flaws (addiction, abusive tendencies, constant lying), you may not be able to project a future by their side. Realistically visualize the contents of your joint life in five, 10, even 20 years down the road.
2. How do they regard family? Do they have close ties with their family members? Is family a priority? Even if they've experienced familial rifts, have they cared enough to try to work things out? The way in which a person tends to their family speaks volumes about the way they will treat you if and when you become integrated into their clan.
3. Can you both compromise? If ever there were a secret to a lasting relationship, it is compromise. Do you and your partner believe in compromise over separation? Are they willing to give and take with you on essential matters? A relationship without compromise is a road with a guaranteed dead end.
4. Do you speak the same language? When I say language, I don't mean English or Spanish or Hebrew. I refer to the language of mentality. Do you share the same views and aims? Similar morals and values? Partners who have parallel goals are more likely to remain together than those whose ambitions span in opposite directions.
5. What emotions do they trigger? A person who evokes mostly anxiety, worry, and pain is not the right person for you. But a person who steadies the emotions within you -- bringing tranquility and harmony -- is like water to a rose garden; this is a partner who can help you bloom into your incredible, fully uplifted self. Remember that the greatest gift anyone can give you is peace of mind.
6. Do you need them? Partners who truly fit don't just want each other, they need each other. Theirs is a union that swims a deep ocean. After a long day, they yearn for their lover's embrace. They need the consoling words of their other half, their healing presence, their unique touch. This kind of love transcends wanting; it is an insatiable need from the seat of the soul. So ask yourself: do you need them?
7. How do they compare to former partners? Have you brought into your life another partner who's merely a copy of a former love? Or does this person hold positive qualities that prior lovers lacked? If you don't completely heal from and resolve the karma of past relationships, it's likely that you will attract a similar companion once again. Compare and contrast the patterns of preceding relationships with your present love to ensure that you're making progress.
8. Can you tolerate their weaknesses? Relationships call for a degree of tolerance and acceptance that will undoubtedly test your limits. Can you "stand" all of your partner's faults? Every one of their bad habits and ill manners? Similarly, do you appreciate their likings? Can you genuinely adapt to their taste, if only out of love of them?
9. Do you see potential for improvement? Human beings are highly prone to error. The fact is that you will never find a "perfect" partner; each person who walks through your life will leave flawed footprints. It is most important to estimate someone's potential to improve rather than rate their level of perfection upon first entering your life. We all need a bit of work. What matters most is our willingness to better ourselves.
10. Do you feel a soulful bond? A soulmate is like the missing piece of the puzzle. Soulful bonds and far and few but when they do occur, they're obvious to both partners. One of my previous blogs, "The 10 Elements of a Soulmate," outlines telltale soulmate signs. Among them is a strong feeling of déjà vu, an us-against-the-world mentality, a curious intensity, and a comforting sense of protection.
11. What have they taught you? The right partner is supposed to double as your teacher. Two souls in harmony will have much to learn from each other. Whether they are lessons of love, work, finances, forgiveness, or any other element of life, the ideal partner will also drive your mind and spirit to evolve.
12. Are they generous? Not just to you, but to others. While you can't expect to be with a person who will give until they've exhausted their outlets, you do need a partner who's fair and can return as much as he or she takes. Do they freely gift you with not only tokens of their admiration, but their time, affection, and attention? Such rewards are invaluable.
13. Do you expect miracles? When I met my husband, I could instantly see the miracles of our relationship: taking our first steps into our new home and holding our newborn daughter for the first time, among other glorious visions. His embrace alone felt like a miracle. Justly, love should offer us amazing things. And in the right relationship, we are able to feel such oncoming joys. What wonderful surprises can you "feel" will develop in your own relationship?
Sharing chemistry with someone is a rare treasure. But knowing early on whether a person is right for you is equally necessary for your well-being. Ponder the answers to these 13 questions to discover your partner's true place in your life and reveal if they're really the one.
To being with the one,
Dr. Carmen Harra
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